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Figs O'Sullivan

  • April 17, 2026

The Magic is in the Repair...

The Magic is in the Repair

On today episode, Figs welcomes a very special guest, Teale Taxis, aka the better half in Figs’ marriage. Teale is also a San Francisco based Couples Therapist and the mother of their 3 year old daughter. She is due with their 2nd child (a boy) this summer. Together they share their own struggles and moments of disconnection and how they work through them. As successful relationship experts, Teale and Figs recognize that ALL relationships, including their own, are hard work because love and connection matter to everyone. Everyone is guaranteed to have moments of conflict. Ultimately, the magic in relationship is in the repair: in surrendering to the process of feeling the pain and understanding how we both make sense.

Figs gives tips on how to RAVE, a process coined by colleague and fellow EFT therapist Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen. They discuss arriving at a place where they recognize fighting is painful and it not that you are bad or I´m bad, we both just have sensitive spots. This ultimately opens the possibility to have empathy for each other. Word of warning: this perspective may not be possible in the heated moment thanks to the part of our brain that’s in charge during conflict (see: Amygdala Hijacking). Teale reminds us to be gentle with ourselves and Figs affirms that the part of you that needs love is not weak or needy. And remember: We Fight Because Our Connection Matters.

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Figs O'Sullivan is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #79062) and the founder of Empathi. For 17 years he has helped couples move out of disconnection and back into secure, loving connection, drawing on Emotionally Focused Therapy and attachment science. With his wife Teale, he runs a San Francisco couples therapy practice, is a relationship expert to the Stars and Silicon Valley, and built Figlet, an AI relationship coach trained on their clinical work. His approach has guided more than 58,000 relationship assessments.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How do relationship therapists handle conflict in their own marriage?+
Even as therapists, Teale and I get caught in the Waltz of Pain just like everyone else. We're not immune to our childhood strategies colliding. The difference is we know the fight isn't about what you think it's about. When I'm being a Relentless Lover chasing connection or she's pulling back as a Reluctant Lover, we recognize the pattern faster. But recognition doesn't eliminate the hurt. We still have to do the proof-of-work of empathy. We still have to feel the pain before we can understand how we both make sense. The magic isn't in avoiding conflict, it's in getting good at repair.
What does it mean that 'the magic is in the repair' in relationships?+
Repair is where transformation happens. It's not about having a perfect relationship without conflict. That's impossible because we're all Babies in Love carrying childhood wounds. The magic happens when you stop treating your partner as the enemy (the Versus Illusion) and start seeing the pattern as the problem. Real repair means slowing down, feeling the hurt underneath the reactivity, and providing the Missing Experience your partner needed. It's messy, vulnerable work. But when you consistently show up for repair instead of jumping in the Time Machine to solve problems, you're literally rewiring each other's nervous systems.
How can I get better at relationship repair when conflicts happen?+
Start by recognizing that if one person is hurting and reacting, the other person is too (the Rule of Four). Don't try to solve the logical problem until you've connected emotionally first. Learn to RAVE, which helps you slow down and attune to what's really happening underneath the surface drama. Remember, an apology is just the cherry on top. The cake is the actual empathic connection. If you want to practice these skills between sessions, try Figlet, our AI relationship coach. It's trained in these frameworks and can help you navigate repairs in real time.