Teale Taxis, LMFT

Meet Teale

About Me

My name is Teale Taxis. I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy, the gold standard of working with couples. I am also a supervisor for EFT, so I see couples, I see individuals, and I supervise interns and those in the mental health field who are training to be licensed therapists.

Born and raised on the island of Oahu, cultural sensitivity informs my therapeutic work and inspires me personally. I received my Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology with a specialty in Community Mental Health from the California Institute of Integral Studies. Being of service to others is more than just a vocation for me, it is my passion.

I am obsessed with the ocean and the water, so I surf, I do open ocean swimming, and I do outrigger paddling with an amazing team at sunrise many mornings during the week. In my free time I’m also an artist and a cook, I practice yoga, and I enjoy walking throughout San Francisco’s parks and beaches.

What Drew Me to This Work

The reason I was so drawn to this field is that I was lucky enough to receive some really great therapy as a kid, processing some challenging experiences from my past. So I definitely identify as a wounded healer. I had been through some stuff, and I had some really amazing guidance that gave me some of the missing experiences I had needed, and I wanted to emulate the powerful healers who were so there for me. It never felt like it was really ever a question for me. It was just the when of how it was all going to happen.

It started out in bodywork, being a massage therapist, and eventually I decided to use my mind and my heart to do the healing instead of my hands. I started out working with children in school settings in the Bay Area, and then I went into private practice working primarily with couples here in San Francisco.

The more we try and protect ourselves from getting hurt in love, the more likely we are to create the very circumstances that confirm our worst fears of what can happen in love.

Teale Taxis, LMFT

What I Believe About Love and Connection

There is no getting away from it, no matter how hard we try. Love matters, relationship matters. We are all wired to connect.

Being the “best you can be” is really only possible when you are deeply connected to another. Splendid isolation is for planets, not people.

Sue Johnson, creator of EFT for couples

My Approach

“We’re just tracking this cycle” is my mindset. I am never identifying the identified patient, the person who is in the wrong. I am really here to look at how we are creating this shared experience of disconnection. That is incredibly liberating, and from there we can move toward the nuances of what might be happening between the two of you.

I strive to join you in guiding your process as a fellow wounded human being, joining you as your equal, not as the superior all knowing analyst who coldly sits blankly and uninvolved in the process. I lead with my humanness so you can feel safe to be all that you are in my presence.

I value a collaborative therapeutic approach in order to help create a new sense of self-understanding and acceptance. As I receive further specialty training in different areas of my therapeutic interest, I continue to grow and maintain a beginner’s mind.

How I Start with a Couple

I typically start sessions by asking what has been going well. What was a moment of connection this week? A sexy moment, a sweet moment, a moment of reassurance, a moment that was great with the family. I always come back to that metaphor of filling up the bucket first, in order to then do a little bit of the harder work.

So we are really there to identify the positives, and what makes a relationship fabulous and strong. And of course we are also here to identify what makes the relationship challenging, where we are having these maladaptive moments. We start with what is going right, and then we go into the places where we might be a little bit more stuck.

I take sessions slow. A couple might come in and say “I’ve got ten things I want to talk about today,” and I’ll say “less.” We will probably get through one, maybe two. The reality is that the content of everything we address does not matter as much as this: what matters to you matters to me.

The Three Rules I Teach Every Couple

This is a big deal. This is a big perspective shift. This is the communication tool you came to see me with, and it is called understanding and experiencing and recognizing that negative cycle. As we do that, we can have transformative experiences in session where we are actually in touch with “oh my gosh, I’m actually really sad,” or “I really want you close.” I didn’t even know that, because I protect myself by telling myself the story of you, the story of how you get things wrong. Unfortunately the most beautiful, lovable part of me gets missed in that, which is that I want you close and I need connection.

Figs and I are trying to earn secure attachment in our partnership too, so that we can go forth and kick ass in life. It is a big life work process for most of us, ourselves included. There is that wounded healer bit again.

One of My Favorite Therapeutic Tools

One of my favorites is being really explicitly appreciative, of ourselves and of our partners. A lot of the time it is “hey, thanks for dinner,” or “thanks for picking me up from the airport.” But then: why did that mean something to you? How can we make it explicit? Where did it touch inside of me when you picked me up from the airport? I felt important to you. Or, gosh, when you thanked me for that, it made me feel like I really got it right for you.

Most of us don’t differentiate why something means something to us. That is part of building that positive highway of connection that we are so hungry for in our relationships.

Who I Work With

I work with people of all different life experiences and levels of trauma. I would say my niche is working with couples: those experiencing conflict and communication issues, parenting struggles, infertility and birth challenges, and those who are recovering from affairs, what we call attachment injuries in attachment-based psychotherapy.

Another ideal client for me, whether a couple or an individual, is someone dealing with issues around culture and identity. Often we come from really different backgrounds, families of origin, cultural backgrounds, language barriers, pieces of our history that deeply inform how we see ourselves, how we feel about our families, and certainly how we communicate and connect and have conflict in our romantic partnerships. Creating a safe environment to address power and privilege issues that might be playing out between members of a couple is something I have a lot of care and passion for. I take a non-pathologizing, non-judgmental perspective, and at the same time I really want to bring cross-cultural ways of communication and connection to the forefront, and get to some of those attachment roots at the very base of how each of us protects and promotes ourselves.

I work with individuals slightly less than I work with couples, but I love working with those who want to promote and practice self-growth. I love the modality of the growth mindset. Whether it is in our individual experience, our work, or with our partner, the question is how to take a relationship that might be pretty challenging and conflict infused and not see it as the destiny of the relationship, not “this is a corrupt relationship,” but more along the lines of: of course we are having conflict. That is what we are here to do. We do a lot of the work we are put on this earth to do in our romantic relationships. It is hard, and most of us need help. I have needed help too.

Specialties

• Couples therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
• Affair recovery and attachment injury
• Conflict and communication patterns
• Culture, identity, power and privilege within a relationship
• Infertility and birth challenges
• Parenting struggles
• Individual relationship work and self-growth
• Anxiety, sadness, hopelessness, grief
• Addiction and recovery
• Feelings of social isolation
• EFT supervision for interns and pre-licensed therapists
• In-person in San Francisco and online throughout California

What You Can Expect

What I typically experience from my clients is that they will have what is called a de-escalation almost immediately in their relationship. I am not promising that. But what typically happens is just knowing, hey, we’ve got a place to fight. We’ve got an hour a week to fight, really specifically. And it is not as though you come in to see me and you’re teeth and nails. I won’t let that happen. Another detail to add about myself: I’m pretty damn engaged with the process.

Just having a place to talk, and having it be facilitated, can be pretty transformative for our relationships. On top of that, we are going to touch in on some of those really lovable, vulnerable pieces, and we are going to be able to own the ways that we perpetuate negative cycles. We are both doing that. I am not just concentrating on your partner doing that. You are doing it together, and it is incredibly bonding.

My goal is the same as yours. Let’s get you to a point you no longer need to see me, because you are feeling emotionally connected with each other, as soon as possible.

Teale Taxis, LMFT

Relationship Counseling for Individuals

Connecting with self and other is important for all of us. In fact it is so important that when we are struggling to find connection, or to stay connected, it hurts.

We all need some support in these tough and vulnerable places. I am here for you when you most need to know you are not alone, and to make sense of the system one gets in with a primary other when someone means a lot to us.

Working Online Throughout California

I have been working over video conference with individuals and couples for several years now. I first started offering it because of how many requests I was receiving from busy professionals, parents and people who didn’t live close to my office, yet they wanted the proven, effective and endorsed services I provide.

I see clients via videoconference for all the same presenting issues as I see clients in person. There are just a few different guidelines and factors to consider. Let’s talk and explore whether telehealth is right for you.

Outcomes I Help Couples Reach

• Stop the same argument repeating
• Recover from infidelity or trust breaches
• Deepen emotional and physical intimacy
• Process anxiety, grief, or parenting overwhelm together
• Build a more secure sense of self inside the relationship
• Navigate transitions such as parenthood, career change, relocation

Credentials and Training

Fees and Getting Started

Meet Teale at Length

If you want a fuller sense of how Teale works before you reach out, here she is on her background, her approach, how she starts with a couple, and who she works with.

Work With Empathi

Teale co-founded Empathi with Fiachra “Figs” O’Sullivan, LMFT, and practices at Empathi’s San Francisco couples therapy practice, serving clients in person at the Sutter Street office and online throughout California. Together they co-host the relationship podcast Come Here To Me, where they share sessions from their own couples therapy.

I’ve got such a dream team of clinicians who are so passionate about helping couples love each other and helping individuals thrive and heal. Reach out and schedule a consultation and see if we might be a great fit to work together. And if not, I know I can point you toward someone I really trust on my team.

Teale Taxis, LMFT

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