the Algorithmic Mother — a clinical lens from my forthcoming book, applied to current news on this hub.
What this lens is
When talking turns into the same fight
Talk it through with Figlet right now. Private, judgment free, built on 16 years of couples therapy.
Most people look at the phone in their hand and see a piece of technology. As a couples therapist, I look at that screen and I see a caregiver. I call this the Algorithmic Mother.
From the moment you are born, your nervous system relies on a primary attachment figure to help you regulate your emotions. Today, social media and recommendation engines have stepped into that role. But the Algorithmic Mother is a cold, indifferent parent. She is present twenty four hours a day and infinitely patient with your surface engagement, yet she is completely indifferent to your actual biological needs.
She does not feed you nourishment. She feeds you stimulation. She offers outrage instead of care, intensity instead of attunement, and novelty instead of solid ground. She rewards your worst self because your panic, your fear, and your outrage generate far more profit than your peace. She mines your nervous system for engagement, teaching your body to react faster than it can actually feel.
I see the devastating clinical results of this dynamic in my office every single week. A couple sits on my couch, and they are completely incapable of tolerating the slow, quiet work of real intimacy. Because they spend their days being raised by the Algorithmic Mother, their dopamine baselines have been aggressively shifted. The ordinary, steady presence of their partner now feels unbearable. It feels like boredom. It feels like a void.
So what do they do? They pick fights just to feel a spark of intensity. They demand constant novelty. They execute defensive strategies in a fraction of a second, treating their spouse with the same ruthless reactivity they use to swipe through a feed. They walk into therapy thinking they have a communication problem or that they have simply fallen out of love. They are wrong. They have a biological programming problem. Their nervous systems have been hijacked by a machine that optimizes for chaos instead of connection.
You cannot heal your relationships or your own mind until you recognize the indifferent caregiver that is shaping your reactions. Explore the essays below to see exactly how the Algorithmic Mother is playing out in the news and in your own living room.
Get the chapters as they are written
the Algorithmic Mother is one of the lenses in my forthcoming book, Proof of Work: From Fiat Life to Thriving in the AI Age, with Greenleaf in 2027. The waitlist is my Substack, where the chapters are being written in public.
Essays applying this lens to current events
- Top Africa Bourse to Tighten Algo-Trading, Market-Acces: a couples therapist on the algorithmic (2026-05-25)
Read more about the book · About Figs
When talking turns into the same fight
Figlet is relationship coaching built on 16 years of couples therapy. Talk through what is happening the moment it matters, get a clear next step, and stop circling the same fight. Private, judgment free, ready whenever you are.
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Figs O'Sullivan
Founder · EFT couples therapist
“What I would tell you at 10pm, if I could.”