Ben and Jen in Love...

Ben and Jen in Love

Figs returns with his third installment of the Who Are You in Love Series. This time, he is joined by couple Ben and Jen and their 4 week old baby in arms. Together they vulnerably open up to the deep and important questions about love.

Is there a moment that stands out for you when you felt really connected and in love?

In love, Figs urges his listeners and guests to try to understand the realities of what happening deep down inside of us, instead of trying not to hurt each other feelings. Because when it comes to love, we are still little babies. And we have to recognize that little child in all of us.

Figs reminds all of us that each one of those moments is a strengthening and increasing of togetherness and that even the best relationships have moments of disconnection.

Who Are You in Love is a recurring interview series in the Empathi with Figs podcast that features a variety of real people sharing their stories of love, conflict, and repair. With humor, compassion and authenticity, Figs and his guests dive deeply together into the struggles and joys of navigating relationship and conflict all while highlighting our universal need for love and connection. If you’d like to be interviewed, or have someone you think would be great for the show please email Figs.

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Figs O'Sullivan

Founder · EFT couples therapist

“What I would tell you at 10pm, if I could.”

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Figs O'Sullivan is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #79062) and the founder of Empathi. For 17 years he has helped couples move out of disconnection and back into secure, loving connection, drawing on Emotionally Focused Therapy and attachment science. With his wife Teale, he runs a San Francisco couples therapy practice, is a relationship expert to the Stars and Silicon Valley, and built Figlet, an AI relationship coach trained on their clinical work. His approach has guided more than 58,000 relationship assessments.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How do you maintain connection with a newborn baby?+
Here's the truth: you don't maintain connection with a newborn, you survive it together. Ben and Jen showed us something beautiful in this episode. They're holding a 4-week-old baby and still choosing to be vulnerable about their relationship. That's not about perfect connection, it's about commitment to repair. New parents are sleep-deprived, hormonally hijacked, and terrified. Your nervous systems are in constant threat detection mode. The goal isn't to avoid disconnection, it's to notice when you're in the Waltz of Pain and come back to each other quickly.
Why does having a baby make couples fight more?+
Because we're all still babies in love, and now there's an actual baby competing for resources. Your attachment systems go haywire. The Relentless Lover might protest even harder for attention, while the Reluctant Lover retreats further into survival mode. Add sleep deprivation, and you've got two childhood strategies colliding at maximum intensity. This isn't a character flaw, it's biology. Your nervous system thinks the bond is threatened because, well, it kind of is. The baby isn't the problem. The problem is we expect ourselves to be rational adults when our nervous systems are screaming like toddlers.
What does it mean to be 'babies in love' as adults?+
It means your nervous system doesn't know you're an adult when love feels threatened. Ben and Jen demonstrate this beautifully. When your partner seems distant or overwhelmed (hello, new baby), your brain doesn't think 'they're tired.' It thinks 'I'm going to die alone.' This isn't pathology, it's how we're wired. The little child in you that needed safety and connection is still there, keeping score. Instead of shaming these reactions, we need to recognize them and offer each other the emotional nutrition we missed as kids. If you want to explore this deeper, check out Figlet, our AI relationship coach for personalized guidance on your attachment patterns.