Waiting for Ramen...

Waiting for Ramen

Figs and Teale are 10 days past their due date, anxiously awaiting the home birth of their second child, Kian. Together they share their vulnerabilities and experiences during this time while also waiting for their favorite San Francisco Friday night treat—Ramen!

As couples therapists, they recognize that during times of stress or conflict, people in a relationship have to trust the process. Figs often reminds himself and clients alike that you can relax now because you are held by a process. Of course, this is always easier said than done. Teale admits: I wish I was immersed in the trust the process sauna.

This short, impromptu podcast filmed on the San Francisco sidewalk is full of honesty, humor, and openness. Listen for important reminders of connection, Figs’ Irish accent, and find out what sexy time at 41 weeks looks like for the loving couple.

Stay tuned for next week episodes where Figs and Teale will both share their birthing story.

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Fiachra "Figs" O’Sullivan is a renowned couples therapist and the founder of Empathi.com. He believes the principles of secure attachment and sound money are the two essential protocols for building a future filled with hope. A husband and dad, he lives in Hawaii, where he’s an outrigger canoe paddler, getting humbled daily by the wind and waves. He’s also incessantly funny, to the point that he should probably see someone about that.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How do you trust the process when you're anxious and waiting for something important?+
Look, I get it. Teale and I were 10 days overdue with our second kid, and even as therapists who preach 'trust the process,' we were losing our minds. Here's the thing: your nervous system doesn't care about your wisdom. It's designed to scan for danger. When you're in limbo, whether it's waiting for a baby or waiting for your partner to change, your body thinks you're under threat. The key is remembering that anxiety doesn't mean something's wrong. It means you're human. You can relax now because you are held by a process, even when that process feels invisible.
Why is waiting so hard for couples during stressful times?+
Waiting triggers our deepest attachment wounds. When we can't control the timeline, we become what I call 'Babies in Love' again. Our nervous system reverts to that primal fear: 'What if I'm abandoned? What if this doesn't work out?' In our relationship, I notice Teale and I start doing the Waltz of Pain when we're stressed. I get controlling (my childhood strategy), she gets accommodating (hers). The beautiful thing is recognizing it's not personal. It's two nervous systems trying to survive uncertainty together. The stress isn't the enemy. Fighting the stress is what tears couples apart.
What can couples do when they're both struggling with uncertainty?+
First, name it. 'Hey, we're both freaking out, and that's okay.' When Teale said she wished she was 'immersed in the trust the process sauna,' I knew we needed to stop pretending we had it figured out. Vulnerability is the antidote to the Versus Illusion where you think your partner is the problem. Second, lower the bar. You don't need to be zen masters. You just need to stay connected while you wait. Sometimes that means getting ramen on a sidewalk and admitting you're scared. If you need more support navigating uncertainty together, Figlet, our AI relationship coach, can help you practice these skills between the hard moments.