Relationship Tip #10: Couples Therapy
Remember how your need for love is wired into your DNA? Well, in order to love and be loved, you must be seen. Not the Instagram-ready polished persona version of you, but the gloriously flawed #wokeuplikethis you. When you allow yourself to be truly seen, you invite the light of authentic connection, creating warmth and safety that encourages vulnerability.
Relationship Tip #10: If you're trying to get it right in emotionally bonded love, you're getting it wrong.
“But Figs, aren’t I trying to learn how to get love right?”
No.
You’re learning new insights about yourself, your partner, and your relationship and then putting those insights into practice. Empathi is based on the principles of Emotionally Focused Therapy, utilizing its wisdom to help people have better relationships.
And then, you must let yourself get it wrong.
Let your partner get it wrong, too.
Make lots of mistakes. Go on and feel afraid, frustrated, and embarrassed all at the same time. Then put your insights into practice again. Because there’s no finish line. You must continue to show up for yourself and your partner, to love up the parts of you both that need it the most, because you are so important to each other! In therapy, clients are encouraged to embrace vulnerability and growth, understanding that making mistakes is part of the process.
Sure, you can fake enough of yourself to fit in, but that will only intensify your feeling of disconnection, so what’s the point?!
You don’t need to fit in to your relationship, you need to feel that you belong. You need connection. And your polished persona will never get past the velvet rope into that party; access is only granted when you are brave enough to be vulnerable and allow yourself to be seen.
So don’t waste another minute trying to be something you’re not. Love and accept yourself RIGHT NOW exactly as you are — wounds, warts, and weaknesses.
The vulnerable you is a lovable you!
Practice sitting with your vulnerable self. It’s hard for most of us to do. But even if you can only manage it for a minute of two and then it slips away because you get all annoyed, just begin again with the basics … love and accept yourself with no changes required.
Start right now. While you’re reading these words.
AcceptYourselfAsEnough
Heck, don’t just accept your flaws, CELEBRATE them! Nothing is more attractive and sexier than a lover who recognizes and embraces their flaws. Get comfortable in your own skin, it’s all you’ve got (assuming you aren’t planning to go all “Silence of the Lambs” on me).
And for flip sake don’t take yourself and your relationship so seriously! I promise there is laugh out loud humor in the struggle, especially when you realize everyone’s a mess when it comes to love.
Letting yourself be truly seen by your significant other isn’t EASY, but it’s exactly what you (and the world around you) need.
Take two minutes to read your Self-Discovery Report once you have taken the Empathi Quiz— knowing and accepting your vulnerability in love is an essential step toward having a successful relationship! Empathi offers a free diagnostic quiz that gives tailored readouts of the underlying emotional dynamics in relationships, and the Empathi Discovery Quiz helps couples understand their ineffective communication cycles. Empathi also allows both partners to take the quiz separately to receive additional detailed reports on their individual patterns.
Be kind to yourself and each other,
Figs
P.S. Miss the other relationship tips? Read all 10 here Figs O’Sullivan is a couples counselor who hosts a podcast sharing insights on relationships, featuring a recurring series called ‘Who Are You in Love’ that interviews couples about their love stories.
The Unexpected Benefits of Couples Therapy
In recent years, couples therapy has stepped into the spotlight as a powerful, positive way for partners to strengthen their relationships and deepen their emotional connection. The old stigma around seeking help is fading fast, and more couples—and even employees looking to improve their work relationships—are discovering the real, lasting benefits of working with skilled couples therapists.
Experts like Teale Taxis and Figs have developed programs and approaches that focus on the heart of what makes relationships thrive: empathy, compassion, and honest communication. Couples therapy isn’t just about fixing what’s broken; it’s about recognizing the joys and struggles that come with being emotionally bonded to another person, and learning how to navigate those challenges together.
One of the most important things couples therapy offers is the ability to recognize and address conflict before it becomes a bigger risk to your connection. By learning to listen, explain your feelings, and understand your partner’s perspective, you can reduce stress and build a stronger sense of attachment. Therapy provides a safe space to reveal your true self, free from shame or judgment, and to practice new ways of relating that increase intimacy and trust.
The process is not one-size-fits-all. Every relationship is unique, and a good couples therapist will help you and your partner identify your strengths, understand your challenges, and develop a course of action that fits your needs. Whether you’re looking to improve communication, safeguard your bond, or simply find more meaning and joy in your relationship, couples therapy can help you get there.
Perhaps the most unexpected benefit? Couples therapy can actually make love feel easier, not harder. By highlighting the importance of vulnerability, honesty, and active listening, therapy helps you and your partner become more emotionally intelligent and resilient—qualities that will serve you well in every episode of your relationship journey.
So if you’re ready to take the first step toward a more complete, emotionally bonded partnership, consider giving couples therapy a try. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek support and invest in your connection. You might just find that the process brings you closer than ever before.
Every couple has a pattern they cannot see. Find yours.
In love, each of you is a Relentless or a Reluctant, which makes you one of three kinds of couple: Relentless and Reluctant, two Relentless, or two Reluctant. The free quiz reveals your creatures and the cycle they fall into together. About three minutes.
No signup needed to start.
The Relentless
The Reluctant
