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The Relationship Quiz That Reveals Your Love Pattern

Take our short, confidential couple’s therapy quiz to receive an insightful personalized report. If you're wondering whether your relationship is healthy, this quiz can help you explore the key elements of a relationship healthy and balanced partnership.

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The Empathi Quiz Process

engage
AcceptanceTake our quiz to explore your current experience of love and conflict
discover
DiscoverGain new perspectives about you, your partner, and your relationship.
accept
AcceptSurrender to your true nature. Your partner is enough and so are you.
reconnect
ReconnectFeel more connected and gain empathy for yourself and your partner.
repair
RepairLearn to love and soothe each other. We all need and deserve it.
Schedule Your Free Consult
Engage

Take our quiz to explore your current experience of love and conflict.

Discover

Gain new perspectives about you, your partner, and your relationship.

Accept

Surrender to your true nature. Your partner is enough and so are you.

Reconnect

Feel more connected and gain empathy for yourself and your partner.

Repair

Learn to love and soothe each other. We all need and deserve it.

Schedule Your Free Consult
Joyful man smiling at Figs O'Sullivan Couples Therapy session.
Supportive couples therapy session with Figs O'Sullivan, focusing on relationship healing and emotional connection.
Bald man smiling happily, demonstrating couples therapy communication skills.
Therapist smiling, focusing on couples therapy and emotional healing.
WATCH THE VIDEO

Relationship Help Is Here!

Learn how the Empathi Discovery Quiz will help you and your partner.

Why take the Empathi Quiz?

Empathi provides a complete set of resources and services for the relationship guidance you need!
Take our short, confidential couples therapy quiz to learn about your relationship strategies, and receive these complimentary tools:
custom therapy reports
Self-Discovery ReportsIndividualized reports for you and your partner share key relationship insights.
relationship report
Relationship ReportA personalized report outlining the steps you should take for a better relationship.
therapy hints and exercises
Hints and ExercisesRegular emails tailored to you and your partner provide valuable relationship aids.
exclusive offers
Exclusive OffersGet special discounts and deals on Empathi courses and relationship counseling.
Self-Discovery Reports

Individualized reports for you and your partner share key relationship insights.

Relationship Report

A personalized report outlining the steps you should take for a better relationship.

Hints and Exercises

Regular emails tailored to you and your partner provide valuable relationship aids.

Exclusive Offers

Get special discounts and deals on Empathi courses and relationship counseling.

Take the Empathi Quiz

How the Empathi Relationship Quiz Works

Empathi Relationship Quiz infographic explaining the Relentless and Reluctant love patterns in EFT couples therapy
The Empathi Relationship Quiz reveals your love pattern — Relentless or Reluctant — based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Soft pastel color circle representing Figs O'Sullivan Couples Therapy service.

Quiz FAQs

The Empathi Discovery Quiz was created as an alternative access point to Empathi’s relationship-healing wisdom, but the truth is, no self-help tools will be as effective or as efficient as the one-on-one guidance of a trained Empathi counselor.

To discover how we use these tools in counseling with one of our therapists, schedule a free consult.

Yes! You can retake the couple’s therapy quiz and it will update your reports with your new answers. When you’re logged in, click Settings, then select Retake Quiz. To get the most out of your reports, when you retake the quiz, take your time and just be as honest as you possibly can.

Empathi can help you no matter what your current relationship status is!

Although this initial launch of the Empathi Quiz speaks to a “couples experience,” you can still participate fully in the self-discovery process. When you take the quiz, have one important past relationship in mind. 

To take it a step further and examine your former relationship system, invite your “partner” using a second email that you own, click the link in that invite, and then complete the quiz in the mind frame of your ex. This can be tricky, but just do your best. It’s not the same as getting the details from the real person, but we think it’s still possible to create a framework and use the reports as a tool to examine that past relationship through a more empathetic lens. The two completed quizzes activate the relationship report.

As a single person, you’ll also get a lot of value by listening to Figs’ podcast Come Here To Me, reading his articles, signing up for his online course, joining his membership group, and taking his in-person workshops.

After you take the quiz and are logged in, you can send an invite to your partner from your Dashboard, which you can find under your name in the Empathi header. There you will see Your Relationship Roadmap with tools to help you . Under Discover click Invite Partner. From the Invite page, add your partner’s email and a personal message, and then click Send Invitation.

Your partner will receive an email with a custom URL that links your Empathi accounts once your partner completes the quiz and creates an account.

Click the Sign In button in the header above. On the sign in page, click the Forgot Password? link. Then enter the email address you used when you created your Empathi.com account to receive instructions for resetting your password.

We recommend that you invite your partner to take the quiz.

In couples therapy the most important first task is to help a couple see that their relationship problems are systemic problems, not just one partner’s issues (as is commonly believed).

After your partner takes the Empathi Quiz, we combine your answers to provide you both with your own personalized Relationship System Report. You and your partner can then see your relationship through a new perspective and learn how to feel more connected to each other.

You are in this relationship together. And you can make it better together.

We will miss you! But …

To unsubscribe, first login and then from your personalized menu click Settings. When you are on the Settings page, click Notifications and then “uncheck” the email you want to unsubscribe from.

For the Empathi Prompts, we recommend that instead of unsubscribing, just reduce the frequency. The Prompts are an Empathi fan favorite for staying connected.

If you no longer wish to read your combined Relationship Report or receive email tips referencing your co-quiz-taker, visit Settings, select the Decouple tab, and click the Decouple button. Your Relationship Report will be deleted.

This action cannot be undone.

You will now be able to take the quiz with a new partner or enjoy the Empathi self-discovery process.

No. We will never share or sell your data with third parties. Our motivation in sharing this FREE Quiz and relationship discovery process with you is simple: we want to provide you with value so you will turn to us when you are in need of help or guidance in the future. That is all!

Red Flags in Relationships

Recognizing red flags is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship dynamic. While every partnership faces challenges, certain behaviors can signal an unhealthy or even abusive relationship. Over four decades of extensive research into romantic relationships have shown that issues like lack of respect, poor communication, and controlling actions can undermine the foundation of a successful relationship.
Red flags may appear as subtle patterns such as a partner dismissing your feelings, consistently ignoring your boundaries, or making you feel guilty for expressing your needs. In more overt cases, they can include threats, manipulation, or any form of abuse. These warning signs often erode trust and make it difficult to communicate openly, which are two of the most important components of a healthy relationship.
It’s important to remember that a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, honest communication, and support for each other’s life dreams and desires. If you notice persistent unhealthy dynamics, such as feeling afraid to disagree, being isolated from friends and family, or experiencing frequent criticism, it may be time to reflect on your current relationship and seek guidance. Recognizing these red flags early can help you protect your well-being and create space for a partnership that truly supports your happiness and growth.

Schedule Your Free Consult

Or take the Conflict Solution Course
and discover a better way to love.

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Watch: How the Empathi Relationship Quiz Works

In just 7 minutes, learn how the Empathi Quiz reveals your love pattern and helps you build a stronger connection with your partner.

Why Take a Relationship Quiz?

Most couples wait an average of six years before seeking help for relationship problems. By then, small misunderstandings have often become deep, painful patterns. A relationship quiz offers something powerful: early insight. Instead of waiting until things feel broken, you can begin understanding the dynamics at play in your relationship right now.

The Empathi Relationship Quiz is different from generic online quizzes. It is rooted in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), one of the most rigorously researched and effective approaches to couples therapy in the world. Rather than sorting you into a personality type or giving you a compatibility score, this quiz identifies the emotional patterns that drive how you connect with your partner — and where disconnection happens.

The Science Behind the Empathi Relationship Quiz

Emotionally Focused Therapy was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist whose groundbreaking research revealed that romantic relationships operate on the same attachment system we develop as children. EFT has been validated in over 30 years of clinical research and is considered the gold standard in couples therapy.

The Empathi quiz applies these principles in a self-assessment format. Created by Fiachra "Figs" O'Sullivan, LMFT — a San Francisco-based therapist who has trained directly in EFT — the quiz distills decades of attachment science into a five-to-seven-minute experience that delivers genuine clinical insight.

Dr. Sue Johnson, creator of EFT, has personally endorsed the Empathi method. That endorsement reflects the clinical rigor behind the quiz and the quality of the insights it provides to individuals and couples.

Understanding Your Love Pattern: Relentless vs. Reluctant

At the core of the Empathi Relationship Quiz are two primary love patterns: the Relentless Lover and the Reluctant Lover. These are not labels meant to judge you. They describe the automatic strategies you use when you feel emotionally disconnected from your partner.

The Relentless Lover Pattern

If you tend toward a Relentless pattern, you move toward your partner when things feel uncertain. You want to talk, to resolve, to reconnect — right now. You might ask repeated questions, seek reassurance, or feel anxious when your partner pulls away. Underneath, you are driven by a deep need to know that you matter and that your partner is emotionally present.

The Reluctant Lover Pattern

If you lean toward a Reluctant pattern, your instinct under stress is to withdraw. You may shut down emotionally, go quiet, or physically leave the room during conflict. This isn't because you don't care — it's often because the intensity of the interaction feels overwhelming. You retreat to manage your own emotional flooding, but your partner may interpret it as rejection.

Most couples find themselves in a Relentless-Reluctant cycle: one partner pursues while the other withdraws, creating a loop that intensifies over time. The Empathi quiz helps you see which side of this cycle you tend to fall on — the critical first step toward breaking it.

What You Receive: Your Self-Discovery Report

After completing the relationship quiz, you receive a personalized Self-Discovery Report delivered directly to your email. This is not a generic result page. Your report includes a detailed explanation of your primary love pattern, how it shows up in your relationship, the emotional needs driving your behavior, and specific, actionable steps you can take to begin shifting the dynamic with your partner.

Many couples use these reports as a starting point for deeper conversations. When both partners take the quiz, comparing reports can reveal exactly how your patterns interact — and why certain arguments keep happening.

Take the Free Relationship Quiz Now

Who Is This Relationship Quiz For?

The Empathi Relationship Quiz is designed for anyone who wants to understand themselves better within the context of an intimate relationship. You might be in a long-term marriage, a newer partnership, or even reflecting on patterns from past relationships. The quiz is valuable whether you are currently in couples therapy or have never considered it.

Common reasons people take the quiz include feeling stuck in repetitive arguments, noticing emotional distance growing between partners, wanting to understand why you react the way you do during conflict, preparing for couples therapy or an intensive retreat, or simply being curious about the science of love and attachment.

How the Relationship Quiz Works

The process is straightforward and private. You answer a series of questions about how you typically respond in relationship scenarios — particularly during moments of emotional disconnection or conflict. There are no right or wrong answers. The quiz is measuring your natural tendencies, not grading your relationship.

The entire experience takes five to seven minutes. Your responses are confidential and are not shared with anyone. Once you complete the quiz, your personalized Self-Discovery Report is generated and sent to your email so you can review it at your own pace.

Couples Therapy and the Empathi Approach

The Empathi quiz was born from real clinical work. Figs O'Sullivan has spent years helping couples in San Francisco and beyond using Emotionally Focused Therapy. He noticed that many couples arrived at therapy without a clear understanding of their own patterns — which made the early sessions about diagnosis rather than progress.

The quiz changes that. By giving individuals and couples a window into their dynamics before therapy even begins, the Empathi Relationship Quiz accelerates the therapeutic process. For those not ready for therapy, it serves as a standalone tool for self-awareness and relationship growth.

For couples who want to go deeper, Figs offers intensive couples therapy retreats and ongoing EFT-based sessions. The quiz results integrate naturally with this therapeutic work, providing a shared language that couples can use to talk about what's really happening beneath the surface of their conflicts.

Attachment Science: Why Your Love Pattern Matters

Attachment theory, originally developed by John Bowlby and expanded by researchers like Mary Ainsworth, explains how early experiences shape the way we relate to others throughout life. In adult romantic relationships, attachment patterns determine how safe we feel, how we handle vulnerability, and what we do when we sense a threat to our emotional bond.

When your attachment system is triggered — by a partner's criticism, withdrawal, or emotional absence — you default to your love pattern. Understanding this pattern is not about blame. It is about recognizing that both you and your partner are wired to protect yourselves from emotional pain, and that these protective strategies often inadvertently push you further apart.

The Empathi Relationship Quiz makes this invisible dynamic visible. That visibility is what creates the possibility for change.

What Makes This Quiz Different from Other Relationship Tests

The internet is full of relationship quizzes. Most are entertainment-focused, offering broad personality descriptions or compatibility percentages based on surface-level questions. The Empathi quiz is fundamentally different in several important ways.

First, it is grounded in clinical science. EFT is not a pop-psychology framework — it is an empirically validated therapeutic model with decades of research demonstrating its effectiveness. Second, the quiz was designed by a licensed therapist who works with couples every day, not by a content team or an algorithm. Third, the results connect to an actionable therapeutic framework. Your Self-Discovery Report does not just describe you — it gives you a roadmap for what to do next.

Privacy and Confidentiality

Your relationship is deeply personal, and any assessment of it should respect that privacy completely. The Empathi Relationship Quiz is entirely confidential. Your responses are not stored in a way that identifies you, your results are delivered only to the email address you provide, and your data is never shared with third parties or used for advertising.

This commitment to privacy reflects the same ethical standards that guide clinical therapy. You should feel as safe taking this quiz as you would speaking with a therapist behind a closed door.

Start Understanding Your Relationship Pattern Today

Whether you are navigating a rough patch, trying to deepen an already good relationship, or reflecting on patterns you have carried through multiple partnerships, the Empathi Relationship Quiz offers a meaningful place to start. In just a few minutes, you can gain the kind of insight that typically takes weeks of therapy to uncover.

The quiz is free, confidential, and grounded in the best science available on how love works. Take it alone or with your partner — either way, understanding your love pattern is the first step toward the connection you are looking for.

Discover Your Love Pattern — Take the Free Quiz