Photo by Fabio Sasso on Unsplash
If you keep asking yourself why you’re so emotional, the most common answer is that your nervous system is carrying more than it can process right now: stress, too little sleep, a big change, a loss, or old feelings that never got finished. Sometimes there’s a physical piece too, like hormones, a medication or a health change, and that deserves a doctor’s look. But most of the time your feelings aren’t too big. They’re stacked.
You cry at an advert. You snap at someone you love over a cup left on the counter. A colleague’s tone ruins your whole afternoon. And afterwards there’s a second feeling on top of the first: what is wrong with me, why can’t I just be normal about this?
A few years ago we were flying to Hawaii to visit Teale’s mum. Our daughter Grace was under two, sitting on our laps. A few rows ahead was another family with a baby about the same age, strapped into a car seat. The baby was crying. Wailing. Full-bodied distress.
The parents were frantic, but not with the baby. They kept glancing around the cabin, worried about how they looked, worried about bothering people. They shook a rattle. They whispered shh, shh, shh. Without a word, they were telling him: don’t feel what you feel.
Eventually the baby stopped. Everyone relaxed. Good baby. Brave boy. And it broke my heart, because I knew what had happened. He hadn’t been soothed. He’d given up. He’d learned, in his body, that nobody was coming.
A lot of us were that baby. And feelings that get switched off instead of finished don’t disappear. They wait.
Before I explain any of it, try something. Read the next sentence slowly, let the out-breath go, and notice what happens in your body as you read it. It makes sense that you feel this much. Don’t argue with it and don’t agree with it. Just notice where it lands, the throat, the chest, behind the eyes, and whether something in you braces or lets go a little. Stay with that one more breath. That’s the place we’ll work from.
What’s really going on
If something in you softened, or welled up, or rushed to argue, that’s the part of you we’re talking about. It’s been waiting a long time to hear that.
Before a feeling becomes a story, it’s affect: raw emotional energy that hits your body before you’ve had a single thought. Heat in the face. Tightness in the chest. A drop in the belly. Silvan Tomkins, who spent his career mapping how emotion works, showed we’re born wired for a handful of these: fear, distress, anger, interest, joy and shame. Having them isn’t a flaw. It’s the design.
Here’s what makes it feel like too much. Donald Nathanson, building on Tomkins, showed that when something hurts in the present, your nervous system runs back through every stored moment that felt the same. So today’s moment brings two units of pain, but you’ve got two hundred units filed away from before. Two times two hundred, and a small comment feels like the world ending.
That’s not drama. Your nervous system is remembering. The feelings that never got completed stay open in the body, like unconfirmed transactions, and they broadcast every time something rhymes with them.
Add what’s happening now. Bad sleep thins the buffer. Stress keeps you running hot. A move, a breakup, a new baby, a job wobble, a death: any of these pulls on the same open accounts. So you make sense. You’re not too sensitive. You’re carrying old weight on top of a heavy season.
Why you might be so emotional lately
You’re running on empty. Exhaustion, burnout and poor sleep strip away the part of you that usually holds things together.
Something changed or ended. Grief comes out sideways. It shows up as tears at the wrong moment, or as irritation with the people closest to you.
An old wound got touched. Someone’s tone, a family visit, an anniversary. The present opened an entry from the past.
Your body is changing. Hormones, a new medication, pregnancy, perimenopause or a health issue can all shift your mood. If this came on suddenly or with physical changes, see a doctor.
You’ve been holding it down for years. If you were the good, quiet kid, the feelings have had nowhere to go. Now there’s finally a crack.
Need to talk this through right now? Figlet is an AI coach that’s there at 2 in the morning, or right now. It runs this loop with you on the Self ground.
The loop, on your situation
The practice underneath this is one I learned from Aftab Omer, reflexive participation: what am I noticing now, how am I affected, and what creative action is being called for? Run it on the last time you felt overwhelmed by your own feelings.
Get ground in your body first
Feet on the floor. One breath out, slower than the in. Look around and name three things you can see. You can’t think your way out of a flood, but you can find the floor.
What happened
One plain sentence, present tense. “My sister says I look tired, and I’m crying in the car.”
Where it lands in the body
Throat, chest, belly, jaw. Find it and stay with it for one breath. You’re not trying to make it go away. And now what do you notice?
Who’s driving
Notice what you do next, because that’s the protector. Nathanson called the four directions the Compass of Shame: attack yourself (“I’m pathetic”), attack the other person (“you always do this”), withdraw, or avoid with the scroll, the wine, the work. Being emotional often comes with a fast swing to attack self. The feeling isn’t the problem. The verdict on top of it is.
Trace it
Only as far as today needs. When did you first feel exactly this? In your family, what happened when someone cried, raged or fell apart? Were feelings met, fixed, mocked or ignored?
Feel it and tell someone
These days, if my feelings get hurt, it lasts about five hours. That’s not because I feel less. It’s because I let it move. I feel it all the way, and usually I tell Teale. Feelings that are met finish. Feelings that are shushed wait.
One creative action
Ask what the feeling is for. Grief wants something honoured. Anger wants a boundary. Fear wants protection. Pick one small action that gives it that, instead of a lecture.
How to stop being so emotional, honestly
The usual advice is breathing exercises, more sleep, exercise, journaling, naming your emotions and leaning on friends. All of it helps, and the body basics matter more than people think. If you’re sleeping five hours a night, start there.
But I’d change the goal. You don’t actually want to feel less. You want to feel things and come back. That’s what a steady nervous system does: it rises and it settles.
The way you get there is the opposite of what that baby on the plane learned. Not shushed. Met. Every time a feeling gets received by you, or by someone who’s glad you’re telling them, an old entry closes a little. You become harder to knock over and easier to be.
One thing to do tonight
Set a timer for three minutes. Put a hand where the feeling lives. Say to it, out loud if you can, “It makes sense you’re here.” Don’t fix anything. When the timer goes, write one line: what it was, and what it wanted. That’s a feeling finishing instead of waiting.
Would therapy help with this?
Coaching is how we go from where you are now to where you want to go. We only address the past when it emerges in the present. For a heavy season, a short fuse or tears that come too easily, that’s often the right size.
But if the swings are extreme, if they last for weeks, if you feel hopeless or numb, or if feelings are wrecking your work and relationships, please talk to a licensed therapist where you live. And if any of it started with physical changes, see a doctor too.
The path
What I’ve just walked you through is the Empathi Method. For an individual, it’s built on my Proof of Work of Being Human protocol: building sovereign ground inside yourself. On the Self ground, that means feelings that can rise and settle without taking your whole day with them.
There are two ways to keep going. You can start now with Figlet, an AI coach that’s there at 2 in the morning, on the Self ground, and it’ll help you find the floor when a feeling floods you and work out what it’s asking for. Or you can get on the list for the book and the live program with me, where we do this work together.
Figs O’SullivanFiglet Life Coaching
Get help now
Figlet is an AI coach, there at 2 in the morning or right now. It runs this loop with you on your actual situation, as often as you need. It’s coaching, not therapy. The list hears first about the book and the next live program with me.
Proof of Work, Greenleaf Book Group Press, February 2027. Not sure which ground is hurting? Take the two-minute Ground Check.
I still think about that baby on the plane. I hope somebody, somewhere along the way, let him cry until he was done.
I go deeper into this in my book, Proof of Work (Greenleaf Book Group Press, February 2027).
Common questions
Why am I so emotional lately for no reason?
There’s usually a reason, it’s just not obvious. Stress, poor sleep, a change or loss, or an old wound getting touched can all stack up. If it came on suddenly with physical changes, check in with a doctor.
How do I stop being so emotional?
Aim to recover faster rather than feel less. Ground your body, name the feeling, let someone receive it, and look after sleep and stress. Feelings that are met settle.
Is it normal to be this emotional?
Feeling a lot is human. It’s worth getting help if the swings are extreme, last weeks, or stop you living your life.
If you’re thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988.
Reflexive participation comes from the teaching of Aftab Omer at the Institute of Imaginal Studies, where I trained.
