Photo by Jonathan Cosens Photography on Unsplash
Feeling overwhelmed is what happens when more is landing on you than your nervous system has ground to hold right now. It isn’t a sign you’re weak or bad at life. The fix isn’t to do everything faster. It’s to get ground under your feet first, so the pile becomes a set of problems a body can actually face, one at a time.
Maybe it’s the inbox, the kids, the bills, the parent who needs you, the job that never ends. Maybe it’s nothing big at all, and that’s what scares you: a dropped glass or one more email, and suddenly you’re close to tears in the kitchen. You can’t think. You can’t start. You can’t stop.
Not long ago I said this to my wife, Teale: “I feel off. My resilience is down. I have so little patience or tolerance left that even the smallest inconvenience or setback is feeling overwhelming.” And I’m a man who teaches nervous system regulation for a living.
Around the same time, a short clip went out to market my practice that I’d never have approved if I’d watched it first. Why didn’t I watch it? Overwhelm, plain and simple. A part of me was drowning in the endless tasks of running a business, and that part had stopped checking. When you’re overwhelmed, things slip through that would never get past you on solid ground. Then you shame yourself for the slip, and the pile gets heavier.
Before I explain any of it, try something. Read the next sentence slowly, let the out-breath go, and notice what happens in your body as you read it. You don’t have to carry all of it tonight. Don’t argue with it and don’t agree with it. Just notice where it lands, the shoulders, the chest, the jaw, and whether something in you lets go a little or grips tighter. Stay with that one more breath. That’s the place we’ll work from.
What’s really going on
If your shoulders dropped even a little, notice it. If something in you said “I don’t have time for this”, notice that too. That’s the part of you that’s been carrying everything.
In my book I use an image for this. A problem in the open ocean is unmanageable. You’re sure you’re going to drown, and that certainty is exactly what makes you tense up and sink. Put the exact same problem inside a teacup, and you won’t drown in a teacup. Same problem. Different ground.
Overwhelm is the open ocean. It’s not that your to-do list is too long, though it might be. It’s that you’re facing it with no floor under you. With no solid ground, not one anchor point, every problem is too big for the nervous system to address. That’s why therapists ground people first and solve problems second. Your mind wants to start with the list. Your body needs to start with the floor.
And it isn’t only the list. Your body keeps a ledger of everything that’s happened to you, and it doesn’t separate today’s pressure from the old pressure underneath it. If you grew up having to hold it all together, every new demand lands on top of years of holding. On top of that, most of us spend hours a day being fed curated danger by our phones, and over time the body can’t tell the difference between curated danger and real danger. Then we wonder why we feel anxious, brittle and overwhelmed.
You make sense. You’re not failing at life. You’re being asked to carry more than you have ground for.
Watch, too, for which part of you takes over. In my house growing up, my mother carried what I call the Bull: never stops, finishes the job no matter what. Some of us become the Bull when it’s all too much, pushing harder until we break. Others become what I call the Reluctant one, pulling back, going quiet, protecting ourselves from shame and overwhelm. I’ve been both, sometimes in the same afternoon.
Need to talk this through right now? Figlet is an AI coach that’s there at 2 in the morning, or right now. It runs this loop with you on the Self ground.
The loop, on your situation
Coaching is how we go from where you are now to where you want to go. We only address the past when it emerges in the present. So take the moment the wave hit today, and walk it through this.
Get ground in your body first
Feet on the floor. One long breath out. Look around the room and name three things you can see. You’re building the teacup before you touch the problem.
What happened
One plain sentence. “My manager added a deadline while I was already behind and my kid was sick.” Not “my life is falling apart.” Just what landed.
Where it lands in the body
At my first group meeting with the kitchen staff at Esalen, I started sharing the latest thing I was anxious about, and the facilitator stopped me. “Hey Figs. Feelings are sensations in your body. You were asked how you’re feeling, not to share what you’re thinking.” So: a tight chest, a buzzing head, a jaw that won’t unclench? Stay with it one breath. And now what do you notice?
Who’s driving
The Bull, who wants to do all of it tonight? The one who freezes on the sofa and scrolls? The one who snaps at whoever is nearest? Name the part kindly. It’s trying to keep you afloat. Then ask it the question my teacher Aftab Omer called the Friend’s question: what do you need right now?
Trace it
Only as far as today needs. Who taught you that asking for help makes you a burden? Was there a parent who carried everything, or one you had to carry? Overwhelm often rhymes with an old job you were given too young.
Feel it and tell someone
Under overwhelm there’s usually something simpler: fear, grief, or anger that’s had nowhere to go. Let it be a feeling. Then say it to one person, out loud. “I’m overwhelmed and I don’t know where to start.” That sentence alone takes some weight off.
One creative action
Pick one thing on the pile that you can finish in ten minutes, and do only that. Not the most important thing. The most doable thing. Momentum comes from your body learning it can complete something.
How to stop feeling overwhelmed, honestly
The usual advice works better once you’re grounded. This is how I’d use it.
Ground first, then plan. Two minutes of feet and breath before you open the list. A plan written from the open ocean is just a longer list.
Write everything down, then cross out half. Overwhelm loves a list that lives only in your head. On paper you can see what doesn’t actually need doing this week.
Ask for one specific thing. Not “I need help.” Try “Can you pick the kids up Thursday?” Specific asks are easier to say yes to.
Put the phone in another room. Every ping is a small alarm your body has to process. Fewer alarms, more ground.
Protect sleep like it’s work. Resilience is a physical resource. When mine was down, everything felt bigger.
Notice the shame spiral early. When you drop a ball, the voice that says “you’re useless” adds more weight than the ball ever did.
One thing to do tonight
Before bed, write down three things that are not yours to carry tomorrow. A task someone else can do. A worry that belongs to someone else. A standard you set that nobody asked for. Read the list back slowly and let your out-breath get longer. That’s a teacup.
Would therapy help with this?
If overwhelm comes in waves around busy seasons, coaching is often the right size of help.
But if you feel overwhelmed most days for weeks, if you can’t sleep or eat, if you have panic attacks, or if everything feels pointless, that can be anxiety or depression, and it deserves real care. Please talk to a licensed therapist where you live. If your body is sending signals like chest pain or trouble breathing, see a doctor first, and call emergency services if it’s sudden.
The path
What I’ve just walked you through is the Empathi Method. For an individual, it’s built on my Proof of Work of Being Human protocol: building sovereign ground inside yourself. On the Self ground, that means having a floor under you before the next wave arrives, so you can face what’s in front of you without drowning in it.
There are two ways to keep going. You can start now with Figlet, an AI coach that’s there at 2 in the morning, on the Self ground, when the pile feels too high to even start. Or you can get on the list for the book and the live program with me, where we do this work together.
Figs O’SullivanFiglet Life Coaching
Get help now
Figlet is an AI coach, there at 2 in the morning or right now. It runs this loop with you on your actual situation, as often as you need. It’s coaching, not therapy. The list hears first about the book and the next live program with me.
Proof of Work, Greenleaf Book Group Press, February 2027. Not sure which ground is hurting? Take the two-minute Ground Check.
My resilience still dips. The difference now is I notice it sooner, and I tell Teale before the smallest setback becomes the biggest thing in the house.
I go deeper into this in my book, Proof of Work (Greenleaf Book Group Press, February 2027).
Common questions
Why do I get overwhelmed so easily?
Usually because your body is already carrying a lot before the new thing arrives: old stress, poor sleep, a constant feed of alarms. Sensitivity plays a part too. It’s not weakness. It’s a full cup.
How do I stop feeling overwhelmed?
Ground your body first: feet on the floor, a long breath out, three things you can see. Then pick one small task you can finish and do only that. Ground, then one thing, then the next.
What causes the feeling of being overwhelmed?
Too many demands, too little support, and too little rest, landing on a nervous system with no solid ground under it. If it ever turns into thoughts of hurting yourself, call or text 988.
The Friend and its question, “what do you need right now?”, come from the teaching of Aftab Omer at the Institute of Imaginal Studies, where I trained.
