Figs O'Sullivan

Oh, I hear you. And I want you to know, you are not alone in this. This is one of the most common things that lands people in my office. So let’s talk about what’s actually happening here, because fighting about sex is almost never really about sex. Here’s what I mean. When you and […]

Look, I want to start by saying something that might feel a little counterintuitive, and I need you to really hear it. You are never going to completely stop saying hurtful things in fights. Never. I don’t care how many communication workshops you go to, how many books you read, how many times you practice

Look, I hear you. And I want you to take a breath, because the fact that you’re asking “is this normal” tells me you’re not resigned to it. You’re looking for something. That matters. So let me be straight with you. Yes. Fighting every day can be a completely normal feature of a relationship that

Oh, I hear you. And I want you to know, the moment you said that, I already know what your life looks and feels like day to day. Because “my partner always needs to be right” is one of the most common things I hear sitting across from people in my office. But here’s what

You know, I want to be honest with you about something right off the top. The idea that you can have a difficult conversation without any fight, without any mess, without any traffic jam… that’s not actually the goal. And I think chasing that goal is part of what makes things worse. Here’s what I

So you fight about social media use. Let me ask you something first: what are you actually fighting about? Because here’s what I know after 16 years of sitting with couples in my office. The content is almost never the cause. The phone, the scrolling, the time spent on Instagram or TikTok, that’s just the

The fight about friends is almost never actually about friends. I’ve sat with couples for sixteen years, and I can tell you this with certainty: the problem is never the problem. When you’re battling over time with friends, what’s really happening underneath is one of two things. Either one of you feels like you’re not

You know what’s really happening when you’re defensive in a fight? You’re not being difficult. You’re being human. Your nervous system has just heard something that sounds terrifyingly like “you’re not enough” or “I might leave you,” and it is doing exactly what it was built to do. It’s protecting you. So the first thing

Oh, friend. Come sit down for a second. I want to say something that might feel a little uncomfortable at first, but I think it’s going to land as true for you. You’re probably not actually fighting about having kids. I know. I know. That sounds almost insulting when the fight feels so real and

Oh, I hear you. And I want you to know something right away: what you’re describing is one of the most painful places a person can be in a relationship. Feeling like you’re constantly under the microscope, constantly falling short, constantly bracing for the next hit. That is exhausting in a way that gets into