When your husband makes you feel ugly, it usually comes through what he says, what he stopped doing, or your own shame filling his silence. Figs O’Sullivan explains how to tell which, when it becomes abuse, and what to say tonight.

When your husband wants to move and you don’t, the fight is rarely only about the place. Here is how to decide together so neither of you ends up resentful.

When your husband sulks, he is usually protesting a disappointment he has no words for. Here is what the mood is protecting, when it turns into pressure, and the one line to say tonight.

When your husband doesn’t like your friends, it is rarely about the friends. What your time with them means to him, when it is control, and the one line to say tonight.

When your husband is rude to your family, it is rarely only about manners. A couples therapist explains the shame and loyalty bind underneath, and the one line to say to him before the next visit.

When your husband doesn’t help around the house, it is rarely only about the dishes. Here is the dance underneath, and the one line to say tonight.

When your husband talks bad about you to his family or friends, he is usually looking for comfort or allies outside the marriage. Here is why it hurts so much, and the one line to say to him tonight.

Your husband is mean when he drinks because alcohol takes the brakes off shame and resentment he cannot say sober. What his drunk words mean, where the line is, and what to say to him the next morning.

Your boyfriend almost certainly does not hate you. What feels like hate is usually contempt, and contempt is pain that has gone hard, or occasionally a man who has checked out.

When your husband takes his anger out on you, the anger was usually born somewhere else and lands at home because that is where his armor comes off. That explains it, it does not excuse it, and here is where the line is.