The triangle of conflict, developed by David Malan, reveals how hidden feelings, anxiety, and defense mechanisms create the destructive cycles that keep couples stuck. Learn how to identify your pattern and break free.
When your partner says ‘it’s not that big of a deal,’ something inside you gets smaller. Minimizing is not just dismissiveness. It is a nervous system survival strategy rooted in shame. Here is what attachment science says about why it happens and what you can actually do about it.
Emotional invalidation is one of the most corrosive forces in a relationship. Here is what attachment science says about why your partner dismisses your feelings, and what you can actually do about it.
Watch: Figs O’Sullivan, LMFT explains this. The demand-withdraw pattern is a power-laden, structurally reinforced cycle
A bid for connection is any attempt one partner makes to reach for the other. Gottman’s research shows that couples who turn toward bids 86% of the time stay together, while those at 33% divorce. Learn what bids look like, why attachment science explains their power, and how to start turning toward today.
Gottman research shows that 96% of the time, the way a conversation starts predicts how it ends. The soft startup is the clinically validated technique for beginning difficult conversations without triggering your partner’s defense system. Learn the structure, the neuroscience, and how to practice it.
Watch: Figs O’Sullivan, LMFT explains this. The Conversation You Keep Avoiding Is the One Your
Your partner sidesteps, deflects, and minimizes every difficult conversation. This is not indifference. It is a nervous system in survival mode. Here is what attachment science says about conflict avoidance and what you can actually do about it.
Emotional safety is not a feeling. It is a biological state in which your nervous system registers your partner as a source of regulation rather than threat. Here is what attachment science actually says about why it matters more than communication skills.
Watch: Figs O’Sullivan, LMFT explains this. The Sound Relationship House is Drs. John and Julie
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