Let’s slow down and look at what’s actually happening here, because “grandparents interfering” is rarely just about grandparents. In my sixteen years of sitting with co-parenting families, I can tell you that extended family interference almost always lands hardest when the co-parenting relationship itself is already fragile. The grandparents become the spark, but the dry timber was already there.
So let me ask you this first: whose parents are we talking about?
You two are still a team.
Do you know you can get personalized answers to all your questions from the same wisdom that wrote this article, right now?
Ask anything about your own situation and get an answer immediately. Keep asking, think it through, work out what to do next.
No credit card required. Your first 10 messages are free.
Ask Figlet about grandparents interfere co parenting.
Because that changes everything. If it’s your ex’s parents who are undermining your parenting decisions, that’s a conversation your ex needs to have with them, not you. That’s their family system, their work to do. And if your ex isn’t doing that work, then the real issue is that your co-parenting relationship doesn’t yet have strong enough boundaries around it to protect your children.
Second question: what does the interference actually look like?
There’s a big difference between grandparents who spoil the kids with ice cream and grandparents who are actively contradicting your rules, speaking negatively about you to the children, or being used as weapons in the conflict between you and your co-parent. One is annoying. The other is genuinely harmful to your kids.
Here’s what I know to be true clinically: the co-parenting relationship, even after separation, needs its own protected space. You two are still a team. You may not be romantic partners anymore, but you’re permanently linked through those children. When outside parties start inserting themselves into your parenting decisions, the first question is always: did we let them in, or did they push their way in?
Sometimes divorcing couples use extended family as emotional support, which is healthy. But sometimes that tips into triangulation, where the grandparent starts carrying messages, taking sides, or parenting the parents. That’s where it gets dangerous for the kids.
You two are still a team.
Do you know you can get personalized answers to all your questions from the same wisdom that wrote this article, right now?
Ask anything about your own situation and get an answer immediately. Keep asking, think it through, work out what to do next.
No credit card required. Your first 10 messages are free.
Ask Figlet about grandparents interfere co parenting.
Think of it like this: imagine your family as a house. After divorce, you’ve got two separate homes now, but they’re connected by a bridge where the kids travel back and forth. When grandparents start camping out on that bridge, giving directions about how each house should be run, the bridge gets crowded and unstable. The kids feel it.
If possible, sit down with your co-parent and treat this as a shared problem rather than a blame conversation. The goal isn’t “your mom is out of control.” The goal is “we need to agree on what role extended family plays in our kids’ lives, and we need to present that as a united front.”
If your co-parent won’t have that conversation, then the work shifts to what you can control: your own household, your own consistency, and protecting your children from feeling caught in the middle.
Because here’s the thing that matters most: your kids are watching how the adults in their world handle conflict and boundaries. They’re learning whether family can be trusted to put their wellbeing first, or whether they need to manage everyone else’s emotions to feel safe.
Where Does Your Relationship Stand?
Which pattern is running your relationship?
Take the free three minute quiz and meet the creature behind the cycle you keep getting stuck in.
Take the free Empathi Wisdom Score assessment. In 5 minutes, get a personalized snapshot of your relationship patterns and what to do about them. Take the free attachment style quiz to learn more.
Figs is a licensed marriage and family therapist with 16+ years of experience working with couples. He’s the co-founder of Empathi, host of the “Come Here to Me” podcast, and author of an upcoming book on relationships and the systems that shape how we love.
Read more: Co-Parenting After Divorce: What to Expect from Counseling
Explore More Topics
Keep Reading
Every couple has a pattern they cannot see. Find yours.
In love, each of you is a Relentless or a Reluctant, which makes you one of three kinds of couple: Relentless and Reluctant, two Relentless, or two Reluctant. The free quiz reveals your creatures and the cycle they fall into together. About three minutes.
No signup needed to start.
The Relentless
The Reluctant
