Here’s the thing about frequency in couples therapy: you’re asking the wrong question.
Everyone wants to know how often to show up, but what really matters is what you do when you’re not in my office. I’ve watched couples come in religiously every week for months, have beautiful breakthroughs, then go home and completely ignore everything we talked about until they’re sitting across from me again seven days later.
You have a breakthrough in session, then fight again on Tuesday.
Do you know you can get personalized answers to all your questions from the same wisdom that wrote this article, right now?
Ask anything about your own situation and get an answer immediately. Keep asking, think it through, work out what to do next.
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Ask Figlet about what happens between sessions.
That’s not therapy. That’s an expensive pressure valve.
The real work happens on Tuesday night when you’re in the middle of the same old fight and you remember to get curious instead of defensive. It happens when you catch yourself mid-criticism and try something different. It happens in those split-second choices to lean in instead of storming out.
But since you asked for practical guidance: most couples need weekly sessions when they start, especially if you’re stuck in a painful cycle or dealing with betrayal. Think of it like physical therapy after an injury. You need that consistent, structured support to build new patterns.
Once you’re getting real traction, once you’re actually using the tools between sessions, you can stretch it to every two weeks. But don’t fool yourself into thinking monthly sessions are going to create lasting change. That’s like going to the gym once a month and wondering why your fitness isn’t improving.
You have a breakthrough in session, then fight again on Tuesday.
Do you know you can get personalized answers to all your questions from the same wisdom that wrote this article, right now?
Ask anything about your own situation and get an answer immediately. Keep asking, think it through, work out what to do next.
No credit card required. Your first 10 messages are free.
Ask Figlet about what happens between sessions.
Here’s what I really want you to understand: the frequency matters way less than your willingness to be uncomfortable. If you’re showing up but staying defended, if you’re nodding along but not actually trying anything new at home, you could come twice a week and still be stuck.
And if one of you is dragging their feet about starting? Just get there. Book one session. I can’t tell you how many times the reluctant partner ends up being the one who moves fastest once they’re actually in the room.
The couples who succeed aren’t necessarily the ones who come most often. They’re the ones who take what happens in that sacred hour and make it matter in their real life. They’re the ones willing to fumble through awkward repair attempts and have conversations that feel clunky at first.
Because here’s the truth: your relationship doesn’t live in my office. It lives in your kitchen, your bedroom, your car on the way to pick up groceries. That’s where the healing happens. That’s where love gets rebuilt, one brave moment at a time.
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Figs is a licensed marriage and family therapist with 16+ years of experience working with couples. He’s the co-founder of Empathi, host of the “Come Here to Me” podcast, and author of an upcoming book on relationships and the systems that shape how we love.
Read more: What to Expect in Your First Couples Therapy Session
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