Relationship Tip #8
I promised you 10 truths and we’re down to the final three…
Relationship Tip #8: Your need for love is not a weakness.
The need to be bonded with others is woven into the fabric of your being. It’s a feature, not a bug.
Think about it.
Millions of years of evolution has wired our organism for its optimum chance of survival. As social animals we’ve needed a parent/partner/family/community because without our tribe, we’d be lunchmeat! Just because modern man forgets this doesn’t make it any less true.
It’s appropriate to feel pain when you don’t feel connected because you’re hardwired to NEED to be bonded with others. Loving deeply requires immense strength and emotional intelligence. Stop seeing it as a weakness! If you didn’t feel these things, biologically speaking you’d be in danger of going the way of the Dodo bird.
Don’t fight your biology. Surrender to the fact that you need people and they need you.
This physiological ability to feel pain and long for connection when you are emotionally wounded is the essence of your humanity. Authentic connection thrives on expressing feelings and emotions, especially when those feelings are returned. Emotions are a vital part of this process, helping us to authentically connect and understand each other.
Instead of resisting or suppressing feelings of rejection or abandonment, I want you to recognize it for what it is — a call for greater connection with your true other, your family, and your friends. It’s the gooey little creature inside you that needs a primary other to love you, prioritize you, and be satisfied with your enoughness. When we approach relationships needing someone else to fill our inner void, it often signals unresolved issues, and this filling of emptiness can prevent us from experiencing real love.
This is why you need to learnhow to soften into your vulnerability and reconnect with your partner Real strength lies in being able to show vulnerability, to share your heart, while also maintaining your own solid foundation and sense of self. Strength and vulnerability are not opposites; to share your heart authentically is to create a healthy love that supports both people in the relationship.
Connection is still the antidote to much of our pain— physical, emotional, and even spiritual (if you are so inclined). Healthy relationships require mutual respect and emotional intelligence. Respect and emotional intelligence are the foundation for healthy love, allowing us to support and protect each other while maintaining our own sense of self.
Take two minutes to read your Self-Discovery Report once you have taken the Empathi Quiz— knowing and accepting your vulnerability in love is an essential step toward having a successful relationship! Healthy adult love ideally starts with learning to love and care for ourselves. Healthy love is about understanding your own needs and being able to rely on yourself, so you can support and share with your partner from a place of wholeness.
Be kind to yourself and each other, Figs. Healthy love requires knowing when to hold on and when to let go. Sometimes, letting go is the answer to toxic patterns, and knowing when to hold on is a sign of emotional intelligence and respect for yourself and the other person.
Many people describe love using the filter of their culture, which can lead to attraction or avoidance of love. Our beliefs and cultural expectations shape how we understand love, and these beliefs can create both hope and fear in our relationships. Cultural narratives can shape beliefs about love, particularly among men, leading to the perception that love is a weakness. Men often fear that showing love will make them appear weak or vulnerable, leading them to avoid emotional openness with a woman or even with themselves.
Withholding love is often seen as a way to maintain control, but it can lead to relationships lacking genuine warmth and emotional exchange. Guarding your heart too closely can protect you from hurt, but it also prevents you from experiencing the support and connection that real love brings. When we protect ourselves too much, we miss the opportunity to heal, to share, and to create a sense of purpose and happiness in our lives.
Throughout life, our thoughts, expectations, and beliefs about love are shaped by our experiences, our family, and the world around us. The path to healthy love is not always easy—sometimes it feels impossible, and we may be afraid of being hurt or losing ourselves. But with humility, hope, and a willingness to talk, clarify, and understand, we can learn to authentically connect, heal, and find rest in the knowledge that love is not a weakness, but a true source of strength and meaning on this earth.
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