Appreciation Exercise while Sheltering in Place...

Appreciation Exercise while Sheltering in Place

Is being cooped up with your significant other during the covid-19 pandemic getting to you yet? My wife, Teale and I are couples therapists and it took us a good four or five days to sort out the negative cycles we were getting into with each other, given our new reality. Both of us working from home and sharing child care 24×7 without help… ouch, what could go wrong?

In this video, I share with you the exercise we have been doing together every night that has helped us feel we are a team again.

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Fiachra "Figs" O’Sullivan is a Certified EFT Therapist (ICEEFT), a renowned couples therapist, and the founder of Empathi.com. He believes the principles of secure attachment and sound money are the two essential protocols for building a future filled with hope. A husband and dad, he lives in Hawaii, where he’s an outrigger canoe paddler, getting humbled daily by the wind and waves. He’s also incessantly funny, to the point that he should probably see someone about that.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How do I stop fighting with my partner during quarantine or lockdown?+
Being stuck at home together 24/7 triggers what I call the Waltz of Pain (our negative cycle) faster than normal. Even my wife Teale and I, both couples therapists, fell into our old patterns within days of lockdown. The key is recognizing that the fight isn't about dishes or work schedules. It's about two nervous systems in overdrive, feeling trapped. Start with daily appreciation exercises. Name one specific thing your partner did that day that made you feel cared for. This interrupts the Versus Illusion where you see each other as the enemy instead of the real problem: unprecedented stress.
What's a simple relationship exercise we can do at home during stressful times?+
Every night, take turns sharing one specific appreciation about your partner from that day. Not generic stuff like 'you're great,' but proof-of-work examples: 'When you made coffee this morning without me asking, I felt taken care of.' This creates what I call The Missing Experience, those moments of emotional nutrition our nervous systems crave. It's especially powerful during crisis because it reminds two triggered people that they're actually on the same team, not enemies sharing a bunker.
Why do couples fight more when they're stuck at home together?+
Think of it like this: we're all Babies in Love, meaning our adult nervous systems still react to relationship threats like our survival depends on it. Forced proximity without escape routes makes everyone's childhood strategies collide harder. The pursuer cranks up their protests for connection, the withdrawer retreats even more desperately. It's a pressure cooker for attachment wounds. The good news? Crisis can actually strengthen couples who learn to repair together. If you need more support navigating this, check out Figlet, our AI relationship coach for 24/7 guidance.