Figs was recently featured in an article on Brides.com. Check out the full breakdown he gave on why honeymoons can be game-changing for couples, exclusively on Empathi.
Planning and implementing a wedding can be stressful…Did you know that it can be a big point of contention between couples? Before even tying the knot?! The stress and financial considerations of planning a big wedding can add to the pressure, especially when weighing the cost and expectations involved.
Many couples hope that the honeymoon will be an antidote to all of that—and they’re not wrong!
See why in this Q&A with Figs O’Sullivan, emotionally-focused couples therapist and founder of Empathi:
The honeymoon is a time that a newly married couple gets all to themselves—in an intimate setting away from all distractions—that is relaxing, nourishing, and rejuvenating. It’s a meaningful and important ritual to strengthen the bond between the newlyweds where they can create lasting memories together.
Not for the mother of the bride.
Not for your extended community.
It offers something to look forward to during all of the work and stress of the wedding. It provides a supportive container to focus on your connection—just that intention alone is beneficial to your marriage. This way you start your life journey together as spouses who are prioritizing the marriage bond. The wedding day marks the beginning of this new chapter, with the honeymoon serving as a special transition into married life.
You are the stories you tell yourselves.
You know yourselves by retelling your memories. You are creating stories of your togetherness that you will remember, retell each other, and use to reconnect to your love for each other for decades to come.
For many people, joy is kept in our “shadow”—it’s an emotion that can actually be very vulnerable to feel and to share.
Your honeymoon is a joyful celebration of your love and commitment to each other, as well as your shared responsibility toward the life you are co-creating.
It’s a great benefit to have time and space to be in-joy with each other, and to hardwire the habit of celebrating your partnership together.
This type of honeymoon is an escape from the travails and stress of everyday life. For some of you, it’s even a needed break from your own kids!
This is so wonderful for your relationship, to have a respite from the overwhelm of life’s day-to-day demands.
This kind of honeymoon is a commitment to your couple’s journey, as symbolized by the trek or adventure you undertake together. The husband and wife embark on shared adventures, building memories that will last a lifetime.
Whether climbing a mountain, scuba diving for the first time, or photographing wildlife together. A first-time experience together helps you set the tone for your married life as an adventure.
You are two brave souls developing a growth mindset together, and committing to having a beginner’s mind for adventures in your life ahead.
This honeymoon type is focused on encouraging the deepest bonding possible.
As newlyweds, you explore the profound questions about what it is like to live as both a couple and individuals. You use your honeymoon to prioritize getting to know and care for each other’s vulnerable selves. This is a special time to nurture your new marriage and lay the foundation for your future together.
This will help strengthen your relationship for years to come, ensuring you are a team ready to meet all that life throws your way.
Yes. Do not expect to be happy every moment of the trip. In fact, often, what comes with greater expectations of connection and joy together also brings greater chances to be triggered and disappointed, which can result in a negative cycle between you.
It is essential to be aware that the more important an event is, the more probable you will get into a disconnection. So give each other some grace!
And if you find you’re struggling with fighting a lot, check out our premarital counseling options.
First, remember that your longing for perfection is the enemy.
Next, be intentional! Don’t just go with the flow and say, “We are going on a honeymoon just because that is the tradition. That is what people do—and, hey, we love to travel.”
Instead, be explicit and let your hearts feel how this honeymoon is a symbol of the importance of “us”. It is a time that we are gifting to “us” to acknowledge, prioritize, celebrate, and be in gratitude.
I recommend that couples develop some simple rituals during their honeymoon that they carry together through life. Sharing and reviewing your dreams as a couple during the honeymoon can help set intentions and strengthen your bond for the years ahead.
Plan the honeymoon with heart.
What does a honeymoon mean to you?
What are your goals for our honeymoon?
Are there any expectations you have about what a honeymoon is supposed to be like?
Are there any expectations you fear I have about what a honeymoon is supposed to be like?
What experiences would you like to have for yourself and for both of us? Is there any must-have experience? Is there a must-not-have experience?
What are some of the feelings and or thoughts you are worried you may have on our honeymoon?
How can we emotionally support each other to create a honeymoon that includes our desires, needs, and feelings?
Is there anything you need from me to support you in experiencing the honeymoon you desire?
How do you feel and what thoughts come up for you about the financial expense of our possible honeymoon? The cost of honeymoons can be significant, and couples have to decide if the cost is worth it for the memories and experiences they hope to create. It’s important for couples to decide together what kind of honeymoon fits their priorities, whether that’s a luxurious getaway or a more budget-friendly adventure.
Most of all, be curious about the process and your partner’s perspectives.
Make sure you are taking into account what enjoyment means to both of you. Do not plan a thrill seeker trip just because one of you is a daredevil when your spouse prefers chillin’ all day at the best local coffee or donut shop in town.
Plan a honeymoon that can satisfy you both individually and together. Both of your ideas on how to enjoy a vacation are valid and important.
Protect your time together, especially if one or both of you love to socialize. Don’t avoid connecting with others who you meet, but stay focused on fulfilling the primary intention of your trip—to prioritize “us.” Balancing time with friends and focusing on your couple’s bond is key to making the most of your honeymoon.
Make sure your bond is the priority of the trip.
I am a big believer in setting the stage right by formalizing your intentions and prioritizing your emotional bond. That will make the logistics much easier.
A straightforward way to do that on your honeymoon is to incorporate a simple ritual into your daily routine when you share your present moment experience with each other. You can do this in the morning or evening, I just recommend being consistent every day. Sharing reflections at night as part of your honeymoon routine can deepen your connection and help you process your experiences together.
Set aside 15 minutes of uninterrupted time (don’t forget to turn off your mobile phones!)
During the first 5 minutes, one of you shares while the other only listens. The topic is simply, “your present moment experience”. What are you feeling, thinking, processing, experiencing right now, with regard to this relationship?
During the next 5 minutes, you switch: the other spouse shares while the other spouse just listens. Same exact topic.
During the last 5 minutes, you ask each other these 2 questions: 1. What was it like for you to share with me? 2. What was it like for you to listen to me?
With this simple exercise, you have prioritized being with yourself and each other exactly the way you are in a living, breathing moment.
You took a break from DOING and spent time BEING with each other.
This will set you up nicely to stay connected to each other throughout your honeymoon.
Check out the full 15 minute date course in this relationship exercise bundle.
Introduction to Honeymoons and Married Life
As newly married couples step into their new life together, one of the first big decisions they face is how to balance the excitement of both the wedding and the honeymoon. The idea of a honeymoon has changed over the years—from a traditional family visit after the wedding to a romantic getaway that marks the beginning of married life. For many couples, the honeymoon is more than just a vacation; it’s a wonderful chance to rest, spend quality time together, and create memories that will last a lifetime. This makes it a key part of wedding planning, right alongside choosing the perfect venue or selecting wedding gifts.
In today’s world, the mini moon has become a popular option for newlyweds who want to celebrate their big day with a short trip, saving the big trip for later when life feels less hectic. This approach helps couples save money and avoid the stress of planning a major vacation while juggling all the details of the wedding. Many couples also use a honeymoon registry, inviting guests to contribute to their dream honeymoon destination instead of giving traditional wedding gifts, making it easier to afford the trip they truly want.
When it comes to picking a honeymoon destination, couples consider everything from their budget and available vacation days to their personal travel style. Some may dream of a relaxing week at a luxury hotel, while others crave adventure in a far-off country. No matter the honeymoon type, the importance of this trip lies in its ability to help newlyweds bond, celebrate their commitment, and start their marriage with joy and intention.
As couples begin their new life together, they often weigh the desire for a dream honeymoon against the need to save money and build a stable future. Many decide that it makes sense to choose a honeymoon that fits their budget and lifestyle, whether that means a quick getaway or a two-week adventure. Ultimately, the decision to spend money on a honeymoon is deeply personal, but for many couples, it’s a meaningful investment in their relationship—a chance to celebrate, relax, and focus on each other as they begin this exciting new chapter.
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