Your longing for perfection is the enemy...

Your longing for perfection is the enemy

Relationship Tip #6

It’s time for some brutal truth telling!

Relationship Tip #6: Your longing for perfection is the enemy of your good-enough relationship.

You ready to be honest with yourself? Do you ever doubt that your partner is the right one for you? We’ll keep this just between you and me. ???? 

Are they really hot enough, smart enough, or funny enough for you? Do they have the correct political opinion or make enough money? Are they a good enough break dancer? Do they crack their boiled egg on the right end? Do they keep trying to eat your ice cream instead of just getting their own?!

You are not alone.

But maybe, just maybe, the fixation you have on whatever your partner is lacking is a bigger problem in your relationship than your partner’s flaws. 

Ever hear this one: Who is the right person to be with? THE ONE YOU ARE WITH!

Chances are your partner is a good-enough other. (Pssst… you’re a good-enough other too.) 

Let me introduce to you Figs, AKA just about good-enough Husband to a good-enough Wife, good-enough Dad to two good-enough children, and a good-enough Therapist and Relationship Coach. Any more than barely good enough would make me crap at all these roles!

What would your relationship look like if you gave your expectations a rest for a minute and did your own work
so you can stay connected with your good-enough partner? Yes, your current one, not your secretly longed for future partner.

Start by getting curious about yourself. 

  • What’s going on inside you that makes you want to fixate on your partner’s shortcomings? 
  • Is it possible that this serves a purpose that has nothing to do with your partner’s flaws? 
  • Could it have anything to do with your own vulnerability and keeping a safe distance from your less than perfect (but good-enough) traits?

If you want to have a brilliant relationship, it’s time to give up the dream of perfection and do your own emotional work instead.

There’s a real live human (steeped in glorious flaws) who is important to you and wants to connect with you more than anything in the whole wide world. And your longing for perfection is getting in the flippin’ way.

Go get busy connecting with your imperfect good-enough partner so they can give your imperfect good-enough self the lovin’ you deserve.

Take two minutes to read your Self-Discovery Report once you have taken the Empathi Quiz— knowing and accepting your vulnerability in love is an essential step toward having a successful relationship!

Be kind to yourself and each other, 


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Figs is the creator of the Empathi method and the certification process for Empathi coaches. He’s also Chief Empathi Officer, husband, dad, wounded-healer and was featured on NPR’s All Things Considered as a champion for healthy relationships. Figs’ life’s mission is to help couples feel more connected.

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