So you’re looking at doing couples therapy from a distance. First thing I want to say is: good. The fact that you’re even asking this question tells me something important about how much you value this relationship. Distance is hard. Doing the work across distance is harder. And you’re here asking how to do it anyway. That matters.
Here’s what I know from two decades of sitting with couples, including many who came to me via screen: the format is less important than you think. The quality of the work is what matters.
Online couples therapy works. I’ve seen real breakthroughs happen over video calls. The emotional work, the vulnerable conversations, the moments where one partner finally says the thing they’ve never been able to say—those happen just as powerfully on a screen as they do in a room.
What you’re looking for is a therapist who is trained in a structured, evidence-based approach. Emotionally Focused Therapy is one of the most researched couples modalities out there. Find someone certified or trained in EFT who does telehealth sessions.
A few practical things to look for:
Find someone who works with both of you present. Some therapists will do split sessions or individual sessions as part of couples work. That’s fine. But make sure the actual joint sessions are happening regularly.
Set up your environment intentionally. Each of you in a private, quiet space. Headphones help. You want to feel like you’re both stepping into something, not just jumping on another Zoom call between errands.
Consistency is everything in long distance. Weekly sessions create a container for the relationship. They give you both something to build toward together even when you’re apart.
The technology itself is pretty straightforward now. Most therapists use HIPAA-compliant platforms. Some work across state lines if they have multiple licenses. Others stick to their home state. Ask upfront.
The distance between you geographically doesn’t have to mean distance emotionally. I’ve seen couples do some of their deepest work precisely because the therapy session was the one reliable place they showed up for each other every single week.
Think of it like this: you’re not settling for less than in-person therapy. You’re choosing connection over convenience. You’re saying this relationship is worth the extra effort it takes to make virtual sessions feel real and meaningful. That intention alone changes everything.
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Figs is a licensed marriage and family therapist with 16+ years of experience working with couples. He’s the co-founder of Empathi, host of the “Come Here to Me” podcast, and author of an upcoming book on relationships and the systems that shape how we love.
Read more: What to Expect in Your First Couples Therapy Session
