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Figs O'Sullivan

  • April 12, 2026

Stop Having The Same Fight Over and Over Again...

Stop Having The Same Fight Over and Over Again

In the spirit of not waiting to be perfect to get in front of a camera I did my first online video interview last week on the Blab platform about how I work with people in couples counseling. The interviewer is my friend and life coach Carla Chrzan.

I was super nervous beforehand. Some of my wife’s favorite moments with me are just before I do something new because I look like a scared little 4 year old boy who wants to just hide in her embrace.

Perspective clients: this video may help you have a better sense of me before reaching out and or booking a first session. I cover a lot of material here about the basics of love and relationship from an attachment perspective.

Enjoy!
Figs

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Fiachra "Figs" O’Sullivan is a renowned couples therapist and the founder of Empathi.com. He believes the principles of secure attachment and sound money are the two essential protocols for building a future filled with hope. A husband and dad, he lives in Hawaii, where he’s an outrigger canoe paddler, getting humbled daily by the wind and waves. He’s also incessantly funny, to the point that he should probably see someone about that.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Why does my partner and I keep having the same argument?+
Because you are caught in what I call the Infinity Loop. One partner's hurt triggers a reaction, which triggers the other partner's hurt, which triggers their reaction, and around you go. It feels like a new fight every time, but it is the same dance with different music. The content changes. The cycle does not.
Can couples therapy really stop repetitive fights?+
Yes, and here is why. Good couples therapy does not teach you communication tricks. It helps you see the pattern underneath the fights. Once both partners can say, "There it is, we are doing our thing again," you have already started to break the cycle. Recognition is the first step toward repair.
What should I do when I feel a recurring fight starting?+
Pause and name it. Say something like, "I think we are getting into our cycle." That one sentence does more than any communication technique because it puts you both on the same team against the pattern instead of against each other. If you want to understand your specific cycle better, take the free relationship quiz at Figlet.