Relationship Tip #1 for Better Mental Health
Here’s the first of my 10 relationship truths to help you love better.
Relationship Tip #1: Stop trying to shake off your negative feelings.
When you’re feeling sad … or lonely … or rejected … or powerless, or angry, anxious, frustrated, irritable, upset, or in a dark mood, stop employing whatever your strategy has always been to squash it and instead give some attention to the feeling that’s making you so uncomfortable.
These feelings can show up in your body as tension, headaches, or fatigue, and can affect your brain by triggering negative thinking patterns or causing trouble focusing.
The more energy you put into trying NOT to feel something, the more likely you are to prolong that feeling (and prolong your go-to behavior in response to that feeling, which probably cues your Waltz of Pain with your partner.
How do you react when you get your feelings hurt? Do you become Sherlock Holmes to figure out who to blame, fix, or criticize? Or maybe you turn into Amelia Earhart and you disappear into the abyss to disengage, ignore, or shutdown.
If so, you’re making a difficult situation worse. Admitting these feelings to yourself is an important first step in dealing with them.
When those hard, messy, scary feelings start charging in, take a deep breath (slow down that heart rate a bit) and accept those feelings. Because the feelings are, in fact, happening.
Don’t shame yourself or tell yourself to “get over it” or “shake it off.”
Stop resisting.
Let yourself feel the feelings.
And actually be nice to yourself about it!
Let yourself notice your thinking patterns and how they might be contributing to your mood.
People differ in their basic temperament, which affects how they experience and deal with emotions.
This is hard to do. We all need help accepting ourselves, our feelings, and our partners!
If I told you that the best way to improve your life is through self-acceptance and acceptance of others, would you believe me?
Well, it’s true. Talking with a mental health professional can help you identify negative patterns and choose healthier coping skills.
Do you want to have a better relationship? You’re going to have to start being kinder to yourself and your partner. You both deserve it! Depression and chronic bad moods can seriously affect a person’s quality of life and lead to more serious mental health issues, so if you notice persistent trouble, seeking help is important.
If you haven’t read about your Waltz of Pain, go take the Empathi Relationship Assessment and Discovery Process now. It’s essential to understanding yourself in love.
And be sure to read the rest of my Top 10 Relationship Tips.
Understanding Bad Mood Triggers
Every person, no matter how strong or successful, experiences mood changes and negative feelings from time to time. It’s simply part of being human. Research shows that a bad mood can be triggered by a variety of factors—stress at work, anxiety about the future, relationship struggles, or even just a poor night’s sleep. Sometimes, negative thoughts seem to appear out of nowhere, making it hard to focus on all the good things in life.
Our environment, daily habits, and even the food we eat can affect our mood. Lack of sleep, skipping meals, or not getting enough exercise can lead to fatigue, irritability, and a general sense of being “off.” For some, spending too much time indoors or away from nature can also contribute to feeling down. It’s important to realize that these triggers are common, and experiencing them doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
Self care plays a big role in maintaining a healthy mood. Simple actions like taking a walk outside, practicing gratitude by writing in a journal, or connecting with friends and family can help boost your mood and reduce stress. Even small changes—like getting enough sleep, eating nourishing food, or making time for activities that bring you pleasure—can make a noticeable difference.
If you notice that your bad mood lingers for more than a week or starts to affect your ability to enjoy life, it might be a sign of something deeper, like depression or anxiety. In these cases, talking to a doctor or mental health professional can help you create strategies to manage your symptoms and improve your overall well-being. Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
You don’t have to face negative feelings alone. By focusing on self care, staying connected with loved ones, and being gentle with yourself, you can learn to manage mood changes and appreciate all the good things life has to offer. Research shows that with consistent effort, you can build resilience and find healthy ways to shake off a bad mood—without ignoring or suppressing your emotions.
So, the next time you find yourself in a funk, try taking a walk, writing down what you’re grateful for, or simply talking to a friend. These small steps can lead to big changes in your mental health and help you create a life filled with more joy, connection, and meaning.
