Let me guess. You downloaded the co-parenting app thinking it would solve everything. Clean communication, clear schedules, no more text fights about pickup times. Instead, you’re staring at read receipts with no responses, passive-aggressive calendar notes, or worse—the app has become another battlefield.
Here’s what I need to ask you first: Is the app actually broken, or is the relationship underneath it still bleeding?
I see this pattern constantly in my office. People think if they just find the right system—the perfect app, the most detailed custody agreement, the most foolproof schedule—they can bypass the messy human stuff. The hurt feelings. The lingering resentment. The way your ex still knows exactly which buttons to push.
But here’s the thing about co-parenting apps: they’re only as good as the people using them. If you’re still in reactive mode with each other, if every interaction feels like walking through a minefield, no app is going to fix that. You’ll just have digital evidence of your dysfunction.
So let’s get specific. What does “not working” actually look like for you? Are messages getting ignored for days? Is every response dripping with sarcasm? Are simple schedule changes turning into paragraph-long accusations?
Because if it’s the technology itself—crashes, glitches, terrible interface—then sure, maybe you need a different app. There are plenty out there.
But if the real problem is that you two can’t have a civil conversation about whose weekend it is without relitigating your entire marriage, then we need to talk about something bigger. We need to talk about creating enough emotional safety that any communication tool can actually function.
Think of it like this: if you’re trying to text someone while standing in a tornado, the problem isn’t your phone. It’s the tornado.
The hardest part about co-parenting is that you have to collaborate with someone you might still be actively angry with. Someone who hurt you. Someone you might not trust. And you have to do it for the next however many years because you share children who need both of you to figure this out.
Sometimes the app isn’t working because the foundation isn’t solid enough yet. Sometimes you need to step back and ask: What would it take for us to have one conversation—just one—where we’re both focused on the kids instead of our old wounds?
That’s where the real work begins. Not in finding the perfect app, but in finding a way to be former partners who can actually partner when it comes to your children.
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Figs is a licensed marriage and family therapist with 16+ years of experience working with couples. He’s the co-founder of Empathi, host of the “Come Here to Me” podcast, and author of an upcoming book on relationships and the systems that shape how we love.
Read more: Co-Parenting After Divorce: What to Expect from Counseling
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