Figs O'Sullivan

I want you to know that what you’re carrying right now is really painful. Sexual rejection from your partner, the person who is supposed to be your primary emotional bonding partner, that cuts right to the bone. It goes right to the heart of those two questions I talk about all the time. You’re asking […]

Mismatched libidos are one of the most common things I see in my office, and also one of the most misunderstood. Couples come in thinking they have a sex problem. What they almost always actually have is a *connection problem* that’s showing up in the bedroom. Here’s what I mean by that. Desire isn’t just

Oh, come here. I hear you. And I want you to know, this is one of the most common things I sit with in my office. So first, let me say, you’re not alone in this, and this isn’t necessarily the terrible sign you think it is. Let me tell you what I actually think

You know, this question lands right in the middle of what I care most about. And I want to say something that might surprise you at first. Passion doesn’t go missing because the spark died. Passion goes missing because safety died. And without safety, nobody can actually be vulnerable with each other. And without vulnerability,

Oh, I hear you. And I want you to know that what you’re describing is one of the most quietly painful things a person can experience in a marriage. It’s not dramatic. There’s no big fight, no obvious betrayal. It’s just this slow, creeping feeling that somewhere along the way, you became his roommate. His

Look, I hear you. And I want to start by saying something that might feel a little uncomfortable at first: the rejection you’re feeling is real, it’s painful, and it makes complete sense. I’ve never met a person sitting across from me whose hurt I didn’t understand. But here’s the thing I need to say

Let me be honest with you right from the start: that question, “is it worth saving,” tells me something really important. It tells me you are exhausted. You are probably not just missing sex. You are missing feeling wanted. Missing feeling like someone chooses you. So let me sit with you here for a moment

Right. Come here. Let me tell you something important before we even get to the “how.” Most people come to me wanting communication techniques. Scripts. The right words to say. And I get it, I do. But here’s the thing: if we lead with technique, we’re gonna miss the whole thing. Because the problem isn’t

I hear you. And I want you to know that sentence carries an enormous amount of pain in it. So let’s sit with that for a second before we go anywhere. What you’re describing lands right in the center of the two most fundamental questions every human being carries in a relationship: Am I enough

You know, this question is one of the most important questions anyone can ask me. And I want to sit with you in it for a second, because most people think being vulnerable means saying “I feel sad” or “I feel hurt.” But it’s actually more specific than that, and it’s scarier than that. Here’s