By Figs O’Sullivan, LMFT
In a typical first couples therapy session, I spend about 45 minutes doing something that looks like conversation but is actually assessment. I’m mapping the cycle. I’m identifying each partner’s attachment strategy. I’m listening for the Protector Parts, the shame responses, the triggers that neither person can see because they’re too close to the pattern.
By the end of that session, I have a working picture of the negative interaction cycle driving the relationship distress. That session costs somewhere between $200 and $400 depending on the therapist and the market. And many couples never get there because the cost, the scheduling, or the resistance of one partner makes that first session impossible.
The Empathi Discovery Quiz was built to solve that problem. It doesn’t replace therapy. But it delivers something that normally requires a trained clinician to identify: a personalized map of your attachment patterns, your position in the negative cycle, and the specific triggers and defenses that keep you stuck.
It’s free. It takes about ten minutes. And the reports it generates are not the generic “you’re anxious attached!” content you find everywhere online. They’re specific to your relationship dynamics.
What the Quiz Actually Measures
Which pattern is running your relationship?
Take the free three minute quiz and meet the creature behind the cycle you keep getting stuck in.
The Empathi Discovery Quiz is built on the same attachment theory and EFT framework I use in my clinical practice. It assesses several dimensions of your relational patterns.
Your position in the negative cycle: are you more likely to pursue connection through intensity, or protect yourself through withdrawal? And importantly, how does this shift depending on the context? Many people pursue in some areas and withdraw in others.
Your primary Protector Parts: the defensive strategies your nervous system deploys when it detects relational threat. Anger, shutdown, over-functioning, avoidance, self-blame, each one is a Protector with a specific function, and knowing yours is the first step to working with them instead of being run by them.
Your attachment fears: the specific vulnerable emotions underneath your protective behaviors. Fear of abandonment, fear of inadequacy, fear of being too much, fear of not being enough. These fears are driving every conflict in your relationship, and most people can’t name them without help.
Your Compass of Shame responses: how you typically manage shame in relational contexts. Withdrawal, attack self, avoidance, or attack other. Everyone has a default, and knowing yours changes how you understand your own reactions during conflict.
The Two Reports You Get
The Self-Discovery Report
This report maps your individual attachment patterns. Your triggers. Your Protector Parts. Your shame responses. Your core attachment fears. It reads like something a therapist would share with you after several sessions of observation, because it’s based on the same clinical framework.
Most attachment quizzes online will tell you you’re “anxious” or “avoidant” and leave it there. The Self-Discovery Report goes several layers deeper. It doesn’t just label you. It explains the mechanics: why you react the way you do, what your nervous system is trying to protect you from, and what it looks like when your Protector Parts take over.
The Relationship Report
This report maps your dynamic. Not just your patterns, but how your patterns interact with your partner’s patterns to create your specific version of the Waltz of Pain. It identifies the escalation sequence, the triggers that kick off the cycle, and the specific moves each of you makes that keep the cycle spinning.
This is the report that makes people say “how does a quiz know this about us?” It knows because the patterns are consistent. After 3,000 couples, I can tell you that while every relationship feels uniquely painful, the underlying mechanics fall into recognizable patterns. And once you can see yours, everything changes.
The Ongoing Personalized Guidance
The reports aren’t the end. After you complete the quiz, you receive ongoing email guidance tailored to your specific patterns. This can be weekly or daily, and the content addresses your unique dynamic, not generic relationship advice.
Think of it as a therapist’s observations dripped into your inbox. Each email addresses a specific aspect of your cycle, your triggers, or your Protector Parts, with practical tools for that specific pattern. Over time, this builds a personalized library of interventions designed for your exact situation.
No other online relationship resource offers this. Not because the technology is impossible, but because it requires a clinical framework sophisticated enough to generate genuinely personalized content. The Empathi Discovery Quiz is built on the same framework used with over 3,000 couples in clinical practice.
How the Quiz Connects to the Masterclass
The quiz and the Empathi Method Masterclass form one integrated system. The quiz gives you the map. The Masterclass gives you the tools.
When you take the quiz first, you bring personalized self-awareness into the Masterclass modules. The Waltz of Pain module isn’t abstract because you’ve already mapped your specific cycle. The Compass of Shame module isn’t theoretical because you’ve already identified your default shame responses. The Protector Parts work isn’t generic because you know which Protector Parts show up for you.
The Masterclass is 16 modules of EFT-based relationship work. It covers the full framework: cycle awareness, shame navigation, Protector Parts, nervous system regulation, and Reflexive Participation. It works for couples or individuals. Buy one, your partner gets free access. 28-day money-back guarantee.
Who Should Take the Quiz
Everyone. I’m not being hyperbolic. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, whether things are going well or falling apart, understanding your attachment patterns is one of the most valuable forms of self-knowledge available.
But if you’re in one of these situations, the quiz is especially valuable:
You’re in a relationship that feels stuck and you can’t figure out why. The quiz will show you the cycle you can’t see from inside it.
Your partner won’t go to therapy. The quiz gives you a starting point for doing meaningful work on your own.
You keep ending up in the same kind of relationship. The quiz reveals the patterns you’re bringing into every partnership.
You’re between relationships and want to understand what went wrong. The quiz maps the attachment patterns that were active in your previous dynamics.
You’re curious about attachment theory but tired of generic content. The quiz gives you attachment science applied to your specific experience.
Take the Quiz
The Empathi Discovery Quiz is free. It takes about ten minutes. You get your Self-Discovery Report and Relationship Report immediately. Then the ongoing personalized email guidance begins.
If the reports reveal something you want to work on more deeply, the Empathi Method Masterclass is there. If you want a therapist in the room, book a free consult.
But start with the quiz. Know your pattern. Because you can’t change what you can’t see.
Figs O’Sullivan is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, creator of the Empathi Method, and co-host of the Come Here to Me podcast. He has worked with over 3,000 couples using Emotionally Focused Therapy. Read the Empathi Method cornerstone article for the complete overview.
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Every couple has a pattern they cannot see. Find yours.
In love, each of you is a Relentless or a Reluctant, which makes you one of three kinds of couple: Relentless and Reluctant, two Relentless, or two Reluctant. The free quiz reveals your creatures and the cycle they fall into together. About three minutes.
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The Relentless
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