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How to Stop Being Defensive in a Relationship

Defensiveness is not a character flaw. It is your nervous system in survival mode. Here is what attachment science says about why you get defensive and the clinical approach to actually reducing it.

a man and woman hugging

What Is Secure Functioning in Relationships?

Secure functioning is not an attachment style. It is a relational operating system, a way two people agree to run their relationship so that both nervous systems can rest. Here is what it means, where it comes from, and how to build it.

a boy and a girl sitting on a bench

What Is the Drama of the Gifted Child in Relationships?

Alice Miller’s ‘gifted child’ grows up, enters a relationship, and cannot figure out why it is falling apart. The same sensitivity that made them an excellent performer makes authentic intimacy feel like a threat. Here is why, and what to do about it.

a man and a woman sitting on a dock looking at the water

How to Deal with Feeling Unloved in Your Relationship

Feeling unloved even when your partner says they love you is not a character flaw. It is your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do. Here is what attachment science says about why love does not always land, and what you can do about it.

Two women pose with a protest sign outdoors.

What Is Protest Behavior in Relationships?

Protest behavior is your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do when it perceives a threat to your most important bond. Here’s what attachment science says about why you text twelve times, pick fights over nothing, or go silent to get a reaction.

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