I need to start by saying this clearly: if you’re in physical danger right now, please call 911 or 988 (the suicide and crisis lifeline). That comes first, always.
Now. If you’re here because your relationship feels like it’s imploding and you need help urgently, I see you. I’ve been in that room with countless couples who thought they were at the very end.
Here’s what I want you to know: the fact that you’re looking for crisis help means something important. People who are truly done don’t search for emergency sessions. They pack bags. You’re here because part of you is still fighting for this.
When couples reach out for crisis sessions, they’re usually standing in the wreckage of something that just happened. Maybe infidelity was discovered. Maybe someone said something unforgivable. Maybe you had the fight that felt like it broke everything.
Take a breath. Whatever just exploded between you, it’s probably not about what it looks like on the surface.
If you need an emergency session, here’s what I recommend: First, call therapists in your area and explain that you need urgent help. Many of us keep slots open for exactly this situation. Don’t apologize for the urgency, just be direct about what you need.
While you’re waiting for that appointment, here’s your homework: Both of you need to stop talking about the crisis for now. I know that sounds impossible, but continuing to hash it out when you’re both flooded and reactive will only make things worse. You’re in emotional flood mode, which means your thinking brain is offline.
Instead, focus on basic care. Eat something. Sleep in separate spaces if you need to. Take showers. Call a friend if you need support, but don’t relitigate the crisis with them.
In the session, we’ll figure out what this crisis is really about. Because underneath the immediate emergency is usually two people who are scared, who feel unseen, who are trying to protect something they care about in the most clumsy ways possible.
The crisis feels like the end, but it’s often actually the beginning. It’s your relationship’s way of demanding that something change. And that’s exactly what good therapy helps you do.
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Figs is a licensed marriage and family therapist with 16+ years of experience working with couples. He’s the co-founder of Empathi, host of the “Come Here to Me” podcast, and author of an upcoming book on relationships and the systems that shape how we love.
Read more: What to Expect in Your First Couples Therapy Session
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